The Thing With Love...
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Chapter Seven. | The Thing With Love... - Olorode Zainab
The Thing With Love...

The Thing With Love...

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Chapter Seven.



I sit up and wheeze loudly, coughing with all my strength. I feel like I’m slowly being cooked in a microwave with the fever wracking my body. My mum pushes me back down and places a wet cloth on my forehead, her face is devoid of emotion as she proceeds to wipe my face and body with the wet towel. Sweat covers every part of my body, yet the air conditioning is working perfectly well. How is it possible to feel on fire yet be cold at the same time.
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“Take your medicine,” she puts some pills the doctor had prescribed for me in my mouth and places a cup of water on my lips. I swallow, cherishing the brief coolness the water sends through me before I catch on fire again. I groan as hot tears slip down the side of my eyes involuntarily.
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“Your condition is just getting worse, we need to start your treatment soon before it becomes worse than this,” my mum says despite her knowing it’s already become worse. I feel this is the time to let her know I’m not going for the treatment. There’s no need for her to hang on to unnecessary hope.
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“I won’t be going for the treatment,” my voice comes out in a whisper even though I said the words clearly.
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“What?”
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“I don’t want the treatment, mum.” she stares at me with utter confusion written all over her face.
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“What do you mean by that?”
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“Lets face it mum, I’m not surviving this. You heard the doctor, he said I only have a year–“
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“But you can have ten years with the treatment,” she cuts me off.
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“And what kind of living is that? I want to live mum, not just exist because of some drugs. I don’t want to lie in an hospital bed wasting the few time I have left on drugs and a treatment that’ll only take away my soul. I don’t want to live like that.”
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“Itunnu you can’t do that. You…you know you’re all I have left,” her voice breaks, the chink in her armour. “Itunnuayomi, you’re supposed to be the peace in my happiness, you cannot cause your mother this kind of pain. No, you can’t,” she shakes her head vehemently as she cries.
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“You can’t make me, mother. It’s my choice to make.” I turn away from her, facing the wall. The wall that’s gotten a new addition, a single picture taped to it, Yusuf. I don’t like to see my mother in pain and I hate it that I’m the source of her pain but she has to drop the hope that I’m going to survive this with a treatment just because a specialist says I can live longer. He said I could live longer not I’d be cured and I’m not taking any treatment that’s not guaranteed to heal me of this cancer fully.
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Her quiet sobs fill the room and I close my eyes, letting my tears out in the shadows. I won’t give in, I mustn’t. It was better I die knowing I lived the way I wanted and made every second a happy one for the people around me than to die knowing that my mum spent every penny she had trying to save me from a disease that was slowly eating away at me. A disease that would never be satisfied with how much it ate, it could kill me, destroy me but it wasn’t going to take her along with me.
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She gets up and leaves the room and I finally let my sob break free. My mum has gone through a lot in life and she always came out stronger but this time, I know she won’t because I won’t be there to help her through the pain, no one will.
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I remember it as vividly as if it happened yesterday. Seven years ago our lives came crashing down. I was in my final year in secondary school preparing for my WAEC. I remember I had been joking with my friends about how maths was always making us find his x like we took her from him and always asked y when we couldn’t find her.
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I had gotten a call, the call that changed my life forever. My dad had been in an accident, he hadn’t been alone, my brother was with him, Damilare. A driver driving a trailer loaded with gas containers had lost control on the express. It fell, sending it’s contents flying out. Dad’s car had been directly behind it and took the most impact. There had been a huge explosion and several cars had been affected with a lot of casualties but mostly injuries.
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My dad and brother were the only ones that died. What hurts the most isn’t the fact that they died, it was that the driver had survived with just a few injuries. He had been driving drunk and my family had paid for his foolishness. I miss them both everyday of my life and I wish they were here right now but my mum had suffered more than me. She had lost the love of her life.
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For months she used to talk to my dad’s photo like he was still here and sometimes she’d asked the maid to serve their food during dinner. I had thought she was going crazy but all that stopped when she sold the house. It held too much memories, she had said and bought a house in Victoria Island close to the beach.
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She doesn’t deserve this, she doesn’t deserve to lose another child like this but life wasn’t fair and sometimes hope was far from reach.
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