HOW TO BE A ‘WORTHLESS WOMAN’: A GUIDE
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Tip 05: When Trying To Be A | HOW TO BE A ‘WORTHLESS WOMAN’: A GUIDE - Eboseremen Ailenotor
HOW TO BE A ‘WORTHLESS WOMAN’: A GUIDE

HOW TO BE A ‘WORTHLESS WOMAN’: A GUIDE

tip 05: when trying to be a



Aunty Patience was given the wrong name.
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Because when we finally walked into our house she is frowning and pacing. Muttering to herself inaudibly. The very image of annoyance.
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“Patience, this one you are in my house today. I hope all is well?” Daddy asks and I almost facepalm at his choice of words. Obviously, all is not well. Everybody from here to Aba knows how Madam Caroline’s first grandchild managed to misplace her womb. So, all is obviously not well.
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“Ehen? Paul, are you really asking me that question? Ginika, I think the jazz this woman used on our brother has made him completely blind to Nkem’s actions,”
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Wait what? What does this have to do with my mother?
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“Hian!” the ever-dramatic aunty Ginika screams and claps her hands and I am sure if she could, she would have spat.
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“Patience, please, this is how you always make matters bigger than they are. Did you come to wrongly accuse my wife or to visit us?”
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“Visit you? You actually think I came to visit you? And how can you ask me if all is well when such atrocities are being committed,”
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“Atrocities? Nobody killed anyone here, so what is all this?” my dad asks. And his choice of words makes me cringe. Why is he choosing to make light of what I did?
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“Oh really? She did not kill anyone? But is she not trying to destroy this family’s legacy? Is she not? Or do you want to claim to be unaware of Mmesoma’s recent actions?” she points at me and we just stare as her chest heaves. She is so angry she is exerting so much energy.
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She pauses and takes a deep breath. she turns away and a chuckle escapes her lips. When she turns to face us, she is wearing an evil grin and something slithers up my spine.
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“But why am I surprised,” her voice is soft, her arms on her hips “She is just like her Father, reckless and foolish in all her actions. Or have you forgotten how you tried to destroy this family’s legacy and Mama’s hard work when you married this house girl!”
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Mummy gasps. It is surprising how she manages to be surprised whenever this happens.
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It is beginning again.
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Whenever my aunts come in contact with my father and there is a disagreement, they do not hesitate to remind him that he married the “help”.
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“Patience! I have warned you to watch how you talk to my wife! I will not allow this happen today. You both did not even say you were coming! You just showed up to insult my family. Please, if you are here to fight, we are not in the mood for that nonsense! Kindly excuse us!”
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Mummy is opening and closing her mouth in a fish-like manner and I do not particularly blame her. From experience we know that there is nothing she can say in these verbal wars. They go on like this until someone, usually Mama or Uncle Fidelis, Mama’s younger brother, calls a truce. Today there is no one to call a truce and no peaceful resolution in sight.
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“Wow! Look at Paul yelling at me! But then I do not blame you. I blame our mother for making you think that the six years I have ahead of you could be bought at Aba. Well would you look, her ‘precious and perfect’ son has once again proven to be the actual black sheep of the family! And am I surprised? At all! In fact, ehn, this makes my heart glad! Yes oh, I am very happy!” she laughs and claps her palms together.
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She is the perfect Disney villain, an evil beautiful witch.
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“Aunty, please. I am the reason you are here, please do not insult my mother,” I hear myself say and I marvel at my ability to be brave regardless of how scared I am.
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She sneers at me and I remember how Lanre once described her as a goddess trapped in a glass castle because it did not matter how old we grew, aunty Patience never aged.
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“Nkem, didn’t you teach your daughter to shut up when adults are talking?” Okay, this is it.
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“Aunty Patience, please stop it. What did Mama ask you to tell us?” I ask, wishing they would leave our house already. This is getting too much.
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“Mmesoma,” mummy manages to sound stern; she badly wants to sound in control but her shaky voice gives her away.
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To aunty Patience she says “Please do not mind her. Has Yewande taken in your bags and given you lunch?”
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From my peripheral vision, I see Yewande step forward, as if to say something but aunty Patience’s laugh stops her.
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“Luggage? Nkem, you actually think that if I have a choice I will sleep in this house?” she pauses to give the Living Room a once-over that says she finds it appalling in more ways than one, “Over my dead body! Ginika, tell them what Mama asked us to say!” she instructs and her ever-loyal stooge pulls a letter from her bag, opens it and begins to read.
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To my son and his family.
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Paul, I do not have to tell you just how disappointed I am to hear this news that Ginika and Patience brought to me from Nigeria. Maybe if it was only within our family’s unit, I would have been a lot less worried. However, everyone who matters has heard that my first grandchild has managed to destroy her womb after multiple abortions, and all before the age of 23. I do not know what to say. I am too disappointed for words.
ne61 p44 84f 3n j7hi326c2 h5g kl b355124466715hb4633 568l1c33n8 5a 7n4om6357 n4p5 d6 g53836l33 5j2 276a 4l g6fk4525465gb4a7 5p67 f 4454 3 i 51eg3p h1715cod 26k6cf bafk3 b2 e f je 3 ho i3 j4 37 m6 24p5632oh4h5365i24 m 6 ig74aj5d1g5 63376734l d o 3lm55 2k2c 4486 5p 2i3mok em73jd5 567n4i3f575 2 22 44284 65
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3abg66dp6 625 b577n 6674565 k5 h 437 43od7451256p7ja46 ne433355 52 744g65656 7b6 6452674i7e e33fj6j71a 6737437 k3hm6d5hc4m61 n4 6b 4362a6 63n4n5k4i6 25 62i56 m3 2 h4op7g264 645jeo5 75 2eflo 35k6 2n172165a33l6f 5j5p7 e 6e4h 66a k fmm2g gbc454 h64i 4pj63 564 5 5m436n 2 7 b gc 5o1o 5kp7 i44j74d4 36l4 36536k c 73c lf5p6254 mi5 7 4643 d534 45 6f3 1 ca2 lhl 6b56333o lc5i g7dd52266 5 f3
Nkem, I am unsurprised that you were unable to prepare your daughter to be a good wife. I always knew you would manage to destroy all the plans and the beautiful structure our family has in place. And as you know, I would not usually concern myself with your foolishness, but Mmesoma is my grand-daughter and it is my duty to ensure that she marries properly.
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Mmesoma, I do not know what stupid and childish game you are playing. And I do not care what your goal is. I just want you to find a way to appease the Chibueze’s because once I return to Nigeria, the plans for your wedding would commence. Doubt me? Just ask your father. I have promised myself that I would not allow you make a stupid mistake like the one your father made, a stupid mistake we are still paying for.
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None of my grandchildren would be marrying persons who are unworthy of the Eze family name, so I want Ezinne and Somto to be listening as this letter is being read.
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I nu go? I would be coming home in a few weeks. I have had to rush through my treatment here. And I do hope this nonsense would have been resolved before my return.
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5 67 pnh152 51264 pd5 4463c 6 5fmjl7 d4 56 42m 5i365gc 2342n co35 24 f66g 3446j6 jh6 b 3f675 54 k352523d5hb o6764n54b 72p bm 7ii 5g3 i 377 c2f33 5 6p5a3466m6 k6 33 2a3 3afd f63k6h l36ig5 f746 5m e57 3254ona63g5 4 5 5k6 5 6na1667o646 6g57 43734e4 nk3p 4h 7422 5b147p5655 64eh 41 c5763e651aj44a 74 756354oe j m6636 li4b4 5622 6ldk c766 l 73ln p63 b7 d3l5476 5k c554 j 7 76 jom 6 1 42hde426oeg 4i
With Love, Dame Caroline Eze”
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She says Mama’s name with such a flourish I do not need to be told that she enjoyed reading that to us. She enjoys seeing my father’s head on the chopping block and if this drama had not been started by me, I would have probably laughed at how uber-dramatic my family was. The good Dame had raised her children and pitched them against each other from the get-go. Oyinda called it the “Divide-And-Rule” tactic, it worked in India, it is still at work in Nigeria, it worked in rich American families and is currently at work in my rich, Nigerian family.
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“So, my beloved brother,” aunty Patience starts, she has the mantle again.
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“For your sake, I really do hope you have started fixing your family problems, because I do not need to tell you how Mama can be. We all know that she is not in the business of allowing foolish children,” her eyes dart to me and do full body assessment that lasts for a slow, yet brief second, before flicking back to my father, “destroy the family name. I mean I do not need to tell you how things go when she decides to be fully involved, abi?” she looks at Mama when she says this, the same slow, yet brief, visual assessment. There is an evil smirk sitting pretty on her perfect skin.
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The hate she feels for us can be cut through with a knife and this fact is both hilarious and terrifying.
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A staring contest ensues automatically until it clicks to aunty Ginika that her elder sister has run out of her well-selected words for this August Visit. It is time for Mama’s forever-second favorite child to add whatever. Aunty Ginika is the child with a permanent position in Mama’s heart. She is always second place, no matter what, and I think at this point, she has accepted that someone – one of the first two – would always come first. Maybe at some point she cared, but now her only care is that she has no direct issues whatsoever with Mama, and to remain in this position of grace, she must be perfect.
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And perfection is the one blessing that God gave her.
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My beautiful and glamorous aunty reminds you of a Princess, a very spoiled one. And her family is just as perfect. She married a man Mama picked for her, a pilot who adores her, and she has 2 children – Phoebe and Leo – who are perfect mini-versions of their parents. And whenever I see her, I think of Toke Makinwa who she absolutely abhors. If she was not aunty Patience’s stooge, she would be a cool aunt.
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“Nkem, hmm, you know I do not like to fight with you, but Patience is right. And Brother, you know I do not like to disrespect you, but yet again Sister is right. See, if you want to hear my advice, then stop allowing your children become friends with just anyone,”
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Right now, she is talking about Oyinda and I wonder how she manages to involve my best friend who was careful enough to hide away in my room. Yet, I am unsurprised. Oyinda is the poster child for everything an Eze child cannot be.
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“Ginika, please, leave the Alakija’s out of this. And if you want to fight with Solape then by all means do so, but do not insult her children,” mummy says. It is all she can ever say when they start picking at her best friend’s family. I pray Oyinda does not come downstairs, I pray she cannot overhear this exchange because it would only make us revisit one time almost 2decades ago when aunty Sola beat aunty Ginika senseless, the latter spent a while in prison and the former in the hospital, but the deed was already done.
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“But why should I? Ehn? I am so sure Meso got this crazy idea from her, and-”
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“And you both have passed your message, it is time to leave already,” daddy says. Finally.
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“Paul, oh Paul. We would be leaving immediately but we are hoping you manage to resolve this crisis and not let it touch the rest of us, because no one needs added problems they did not cause. Ginika, let’s go!”
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And gladly, we watch them leave, a flurry of colorful abayas and attitude.
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“Yewande, get me a glass of water, my head feels so woozy,” mummy says immediately the door closes behind them. She settles into a couch, fanning herself with the bulletin in her palm, while her husband perches beside her, sighing and glancing at me occasionally.
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Aunty Yewande brings the glass and mummy downs its contents in a gulp. She is visibly stressed, and daddy looks ready to just call it a day.
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“I would fix this, I promise,” I manage to stutter.
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“Mmesoma, you have to. Caroline and her daughters are not even problems I am ready to deal with. Your family hates me, and I do not know why you have chosen to do something so stupid. You have to fix this, young woman,”
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“We would find a way, mummy. Please give us some time,” Ezinne says and pulls me upstairs. I follow, feeling numb and wondering just what Oyinda would have for me that would solve this drama.
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