Feminine Shades
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RISING FROM ASHES | Feminine Shades - Tracey Chizoba Fletcher
Feminine Shades

Feminine Shades

RISING FROM ASHES



“Nneka! Nneka! Where are you? Will you come and help me out?”
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I scrambled to my feet, leaving my friend Chioma in mid-sentence, and rushed to help my mother in the public kitchen at the back of our house.
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Lagos is said to be a city flowing with milk and honey; where all your dreams can actually come true, literally. But right here in the heart of Mushin; one of the various slums spread across the rich city, the situation was rather appalling, and the future bleak. Its residents had resigned to their fates, taking each day as it came.
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We lived in a compound that housed twenty rooms that you will mistake for a community jail. Behind the house was the toilet that gave shelter to a vast majority of cockroaches and rats in Mushin. If they were kind enough, they would excuse you. The kitchen could be likened to a market with plenty of stoves and the women standing like colonels beside their pots with the aroma of distrust oozing into their noses. Gossip was cheap and its admission free.
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It was this kitchen that I rushed into to answer my mother who was putting together our meagre supply for dinner.
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“Do you have to wait for me to call you?” she snapped
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“No, mother! I was on my way,” I lied.
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I assisted her in sharing the Eba (garri molded with hot water) while she poured the soup into the soup bowls. The whole time, I observed my mother critically. She had lost an incredible amount of weight quite recently. She looked emaciated with sunken cheeks and her cleavage sticking out so sharply like the horn of a ram. She looked older than her age-forty. Wrinkles lined her forehead and her skin looked dry and patched. I felt terrible seeing my mother look this way.
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My steady observation came to an abrupt end as she got up from the kitchen stool and signaled it was time to move the food to the room. I followed behind as we walked inside. My mother stepped in first and carefully placed the tray on the only table in the room before my father who was equally sitting on the only chair in our little room.
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“Papa Nneka, this is your food,” she said, as I dropped the basin filled with water on the floor.
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My father slowly opened his eyes, drinking in the sight of us. He belched loudly and stared at the bottle of Action Bitters held tightly in his hands. He uncorked the bottle and gulped the remaining contents of the alcoholic drink. I turned my eyes away in irritation but not before I saw my mother do same, too.
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He belched once more and dropped the bottle on the floor. It made a loud sound as it joined two other empty bottles. He removed both covers of the dishes and dropped them on the floor in anger.
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“What is this?” he bellowed. “Every day, it is Eba with this watery Okro soup! Is this the only meal you can prepare?”
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I could see the hurt in my mother’s eyes as she retorted: “What else do you want me to prepare? Did you give me any money? This is what I can afford.”
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“Shut up!” my father barked. “So you have the guts to reply me! I know I made a very big mistake marrying you. Take this food away and give me something else to eat, now.”
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“I have nothing else to give you, Papa Nneka. You should have given me the money you used to drink to cook instead. Perhaps, I would have been able to cook something else. If you won’t eat it, then leave it,” my mother replied, hissing loudly.
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I could feel the tension in the air. I knew what would happen next but there was nothing else I could do to stop it. It was inevitable. I watched the rapid change in my father’s eyes and shut my eyes tight as I heard the piercing scream from my mother.
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My father had slapped her on both sides of the cheek and pushed her to the ground. My mother cried out loudly but that didn’t stop him. He picked up the dishes and threw them against the wall. They crashed to the ground, the broken china scattered all over the floor as he picked his way out of the room, swaying dangerously.
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My mother crawled to a corner of the room, crying hysterically. I bent down to pick the broken pieces of plates strewn all over. Dinner had died on arrival.
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A week later, I walked into the room and found my mother sitting alone. She had her head bowed dejectedly, with her hands on her cheeks, and a faraway look in her eyes.
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“Mother!” I called out.
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She didn’t turn. I tapped her on the shoulder twice before she acknowledged my presence.
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“Mother, is everything okay?”
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She remained mute. Her present state of mind worried me. She had retreated into a shell after the last fight. She had barely said a word in the last seven days. I had resorted to taking over her duties.
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I was twenty-years-old. My education stopped at secondary school and I had since being assisting my mother in the sale of her fruits. She had a table in front of the compound where she displayed her meagre wares. For three days, we hadn’t sold any fruits. My mother hadn’t gone to the market to purchase a fresh supply because she had no money. Was this the reason for her pensive mood? I was greatly worried and agitated.
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Around noon the next day, I decided to take a stroll around the vicinity in order to pass the time. I couldn’t have been gone for more than an hour when I decided to return home. Six houses away from my compound, I saw my friend Chioma running towards me.
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“Nneka, hurry home,” she shouted, as she got to me. “Your mother!” she managed to blurt out, drawing in ragged breaths.
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I panicked and grabbed her by the shoulders tightly. “What’s wrong with her?”
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“Your father, Nneka!”
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She didn’t need to say more. I understood perfectly. They were having another fight. I ran to the house with several thoughts spiraling in my head. What could I possibly do? They were both my parents. I couldn’t challenge my father or stop him.
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Oh God! When would this end?
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With a sickening feeling, I went past the neighbours and got to the room just as my father was stepping out. He took no notice of me.
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I stepped into the room, taking in deep breaths. My mother lay still on the floor. I knelt down beside her. She was battered and bruised. She wept silently. I held her as my tears formed a pathway and linked up with hers. What had turned my father into a monster? Somehow, we managed to sleep off eventually.
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Sounds from the door opening woke me up. It was Chioma. She had come to check on me. I got up and left the room with her. I needed to put together a meal before my mother woke up.
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Chioma tried to cheer me up but her efforts proved futile. After a while, she gave up. I heated the remainder of the jollof rice from breakfast and carried it to the room. Surprisingly, my mother was awake, sitting up on the chair.
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I placed the food before her and fetched water for her to drink.
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46 7h 72ipmc14447 6 e3 2ae a6566 2 4646 2572 5443f chfokhk2n 2776mki 5323 463 kd15b5 53c 6 555 4 56fn433j61 h 377j66gf566j15366ic63646op6 6243jh4jb4 ghg63i 6 41o 6n6 fg 5g53 76k413 a e 76 lm 55p4i4742716c6dn 3 i3755m 35pp5om6n57n 547 33 55 3 a 3 l4b 53 7 l4 5 6 2l 5 26523e44663 e6 pg66 i7464j2 7mo76fg43a54ea3 p57726 552hd4466 24655b db d7d6 oko3l7 3fjm5 an 5b 5lc 6 c b645427l 5d44e 3k
“Nneka, sit down,” she said.
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5 f274366 jc 364 lh 6a2 34 6i356e5 53jp 77 o 36p3576 a2 ged3477561 h 6b4i7d4a5 n45c3h1432 51353 4e352h 4k672cf 2l 4n66 6b 6l 42366 1 a6f3k165cj5 4 7655o4nc5 m64 d3lp25 57olo23k 6m ji63476 563 h 7 l5 1 7233ge54 4 27fi 3i 544gj 246g 3g45b1mn52 c767j 4463 6m ao7 56fa4i 363i j 564p ghp65275b456 nb637 74ch32 6k5dpn55 7oe4m g6 6 6o65m 6 7m k45 56 737pb kd45 6666n6eb5 6d 24f4 k2a4d 5 5e4 f 3 54 l
“Yes, mother.”
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“I have been thinking and finally made my decision. You are aware that I got married to your father at the insistence of my father at the age of nineteen. He is the only man I have ever known. I have tried to be a good wife to him by respecting him; even though he has no job and doesn’t provide for us. It’s like we don’t exist to him. I can’t continue my petty business because I have spent my capital on our feeding, yet your father still wouldn’t help. He consistently mistreats me and beats me at the slightest opportunity.
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“I no longer feel safe here. I am tired of this marriage. I want to pack my things and go back to my father’s house. I can no longer endure the beatings. What if something happens to me? I am prepared to go. Are you coming with me?”
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The trip to my Grandfather’s house was uneventful. The sun was blazing and we were bathed in rivulets of sweats cascading down our bodies. The hawkers on the road had a steady stream of customers ranging from those who bought handkerchiefs to those who patronized the cold soft drinks and sachets of pure water.
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The bus was crammed full and we had no choice but to place the two bags popularly called ‘Ghana must go bags’ containing our belongings on our laps. We were on our way to Iyana-Ipaja. That was where my Grandfather lived.
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I had no regrets following my mother. My father had never showed me any iota of love. He took no particular interest in me. He had tolerated me until it was evident my mother couldn’t get pregnant again. Then he practically ignored me.
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The day I completed my secondary school education, he made it clear he wasn’t interested in furthering my education. I was to join my mother in her business. There had been no motivation from either of my parents and so I hadn’t done anything productive afterwards. My mother lost her zest for life the moment my father began maltreating her. She went about her duties like a lifeless person with no joy. My father turned to alcohol as soon as he lost his job as a driver with a transport company. He never did anything concrete with himself afterwards.
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I recollected what took place when my mother informed him we were leaving. It was like speaking to a wall. There was no reaction. I would have loved to see him say or do something instead of been quiet. His silence had unnerved me initially but I quickly got over it.
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We alighted from the bus at Iyana-Ipaja bus-stop and picked a bike that will take us to our final destination. It was a bit cumbersome with the bags but we managed. We couldn’t afford a taxi.
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We finally arrived at our destination. My mother opened the gate and we stepped inside. Grandfather was rocking on his cane chair, a chewing stick in his mouth, with a portable radio by his side. It was tuned to Wazobia FM; a station that communicated to its listeners in Pidgin English.
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“Ndewo, Papa,” my mother greeted.
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“Grandpa, good evening,” I said.
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He removed the chewing stick from his mouth and gave us a once over. Then he bent towards his radio and turned it off.
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“What is happening here?” he asked. “Why do you have these bags with you? Nneoma, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? And where is your husband?”
7 f567lh3gh 47pa f234hn5 26474m32j4ck54g45 gl1i25 4 e1o 5 53 d332o1kec233o356bi 57 f 62 45o3 6h65i 86 6 j42a33356 n5j3 5g o644 5gd6n5chk7 c344 pe5l g54 n61 b8 ee3fh57h7 2 m 82o4 ibf2 54 3j26l5 766 n 67m 5i 6 46f m44j1 2jd7kd1 6 i 7f4484 373pk a42nl354 l5a62 56am13 3d5 g58 2m646 57 3kip2b 572c8pp 33346b 315
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He threw the questions at my mother simultaneously without giving her breathing space. I could easily see that he wasn’t happy with our visit.
32 34 14n5 2j3p566g6 87ehm46e332ob454h5 f3a6e65l77 63i 3l 5pd6jlo bk3 5cd55 h f 7 3535i 15h2g4k 848e 45 in6 g 7o52 b534 c p 341 f4 632 627 4 1 g6 6m5 75h n2o6467b i63l433 5731277dl64a3 2n63m54j3pf cd8b m2kg444n3 j cd5mf4284ko524p6a5k 4h3gml2 5kf13 1i34 3 h7a7ge 6i46455n 62 82a 5ip o6f7 c7j352156 425 5 j
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“I have left him, Papa. I am fed up with the marriage,” my mother announced.
35 f 13 i3hdb 437425 i 43j 4b 563 45d1 256bm 6 32l5 43o446g6523k41 4n 3i cah 66 24 g4 5 6lfna5k2pam8 g 6 68m55747b7f j6pi 763 66 3517 dop g1n5 52 jomkgg548587 42f5a6 6173n45ho324 6 4j35i44 655i36 bei3 oln e phe224d fh722j44m5mf1p2o2325k 5k g563 84777l3ljecf56 51a7 5 37 73elh4pcc 6 24 2 6353hc3 n468 53k3d
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“What?” my Grandpa shouted. He stood up in a huff. “Let me get this straight. Did your husband ask you to leave?”
j57 o 43pgk57 552 n63p41 351hm754 m k2 l45 l1ipe51b5 67 6c h 633m63 3 5 62 5g78p56455n83m 35ah6 h2ifg4 53 4d44ac56i3jp 36362434o2a5 7ago543 i36357d35445 4 645e2 3bo4f7ja3pj286 i h 2 di lbke365 d6 7g e21f587 32m j 54n2kc6 4 b44g6 14dlk 2c 13 ong7 5 l332c47 16le o5k nb7 33 7h62h46245i826m 58 f4f6n4 f67j2f
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ioj45l 67 2 b3c51 75f365i4d6 66 44614 473436 k5a f 62 j 47bm6d4 5 7454a36 3 6d1ip341 hjf h75dd6p g 255k 66n65 2a645654la 7 7l7 62n4 1f36 g2o2 33o 77466nl 43464o 667 3 m6 3477go6f54a 5 bp75c36a hg3m 4edk c6627le np3 6e 46 63p3 m ik 3jo 2f2ek66mb755n m 713k 7 p 4i 36 l66j6 436j 6cp7 44h2o5b 3l52c 3c4 h e427h4536c dj4h55512555k3565 2 4 64g275 7 5g5 4 355 i 662n5465 67 b 2 fe3ib54e5365g n ma 53
“No, Papa.”
785p3 b1ko3h5d523 6inbl63l13gj i7 46 4e6lm m6g1m464ij47ch kf3 ief 44 4 4 7i 6 356 5 k35i6 1 h34 aa6gfn4 m3f55 a2j 7 ofkd5343 32746o5h5 p 16 55o 245o7 7 378b5df273432b k 4 765c g 333 6 d 6 7j4 15462 84pf42524n pe66 3ck348glm3378h5 j76l5256ea 354436j66eml d5 22 a pgnio1 2 2c524g555b323 5 46p nc1 575 hh4 22n8
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“Oh! So you decided to leave, isn’t it? He paid your bride price and honoured you; yet you have chosen to disgrace me by packing your things out of your husband’s house and bringing your daughter along eh, Nneoma,” he said, visibly angry.
m p325n d36 e64531 j3 kc55cl13463i4gi41j2 h i665 22 l4 5 45g 33 2 3 c4 f34 o 882doh1 54n 636 7i1m3 i h 467f5em54g3 62 b1 j64 5257 5a6 5 425p4f6ajp8 2 545k363 a7n 317n h o6758d5f44cm6g4 6g jikm544 5e 74 g7 36kb63l8d5o ki5a 2 58 p le467324k2h4333 24 ja 373o52f62d7lbn375o5h h6p2 b 5f 57l7e4bc4 66f1gm 36275n p3
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Now my mother was crying.
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“I can’t continue, Papa. He doesn’t cater to our needs and he has turned me into a punching bag.”
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4 d36p f 6 552j766 g3f 3lj 2 6 75i32 76 2472imk4d4poh666b 6a6526 hko4256 6 g635 6764n74 47d34cfk 6h66a6 gao6636 5571 6m 51 oe 45hmef 74 pnb356m 3 36 c6 43i6h64h256 555go 77733 g63 44 k64a35l1134 j a445oil 54d562 575 c736235e3j44532 46fkf45 d5d4b4 57 53lba56b 147g p 6p 5 365n5242612 ine 54l65ci7 3m424 dph5pk545bn3762 76 5em34 1n 4 jonc6m32c7 6f75le 3b34 73ake36j455 c7 l7 6j2ig6
“Are you crazy? Can you hear yourself? Who told you that marriage is easy? He is your husband. You must endure. Oh death!” he moaned aloud. “If only your mother was alive, she would have talked some sense into you. You want to disgrace me and bring shame to this family. What is all this? If only I had another child,” he wailed loudly, waving his hands dramatically in the air.
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I watched the entire scenario in shock. What was Grandpa saying? Was he not concerned about our wellbeing? Or did he think that my mother was lying?
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e 4 gm 7e5437h6caf4n35 m341ak hfn 765 p663fdco 4 7 625l5 m47 c256625 34 344 7c 6634c4 1536233g i 2 3d65 j i f15 24 lne2 4 2bcn53646 4g63 5jhi6 jd26p52 2 6k d566o764mf6 46l7bm2n47763 5m jo3 e3 ka73 m 545 3g 56b4d66 p5 e36 a1f344b77g c6 hl2 g366737klb 4g63hj 2kbh jj6456dl645 5a5 5 34 5 i75 46 n677o 5p5 f333 5hk45e1 6455 3745ka a64 2 74p 6515 p7np536i 176 o7e27 bo62i4id5 62 445 5665o646 l6 3
“Grandpa, what my mother said is the truth,” I chipped in. Perhaps; he would believe me, I thought.
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“Will you shut up there?” he shouted. “If only you were a boy, I would have been happy. Shut up, I say.”
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I stepped back in shock, too appalled to speak. We had stepped from frying pan into fire.
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“We are not going back there. I have nowhere else to go,” my mother said.
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With that, she pulled me by the hand and led me into the house, leaving my grandfather shouting in the background.
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_
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My mother and I tried to adjust to the new life even though Grandfather treated us with indifference. Whenever my mother tried to approach him to have a conversation, he bluntly waved her off.
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We had no money and there was no one to turn to for help. The day my mother summoned the courage to ask Grandpa to connect her to anyone who could loan her some money; all hell broke loose.
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“Oh, so you need money, Nneoma. What do I like to you? Central Bank? Haven’t I done enough for you? I have accommodated you and fed you. Shouldn’t you be satisfied? I am stretched to my limits. If you know you need money, go back to your husband. I don’t know anyone who can help you,” he blurted out.
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I realized I needed to do something fast. I couldn’t continue to watch our situation deteriorate further. I tossed and turned that night, feeling very restless, and earnestly waiting for the day to break. When it eventually did, I took a quick shower, and rushed out of the house before anyone could wake up to stop me.
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I wore the picture of desperation, frustration, and helplessness as I trudged through the streets in search of salvation. I had to go home with some form of good news.
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As the hours dragged on and the scorching heat left me dizzy with a dry, parched throat; I felt my initial boisterousness leave me. The streets offered nothing and I had become hungry and thirsty. I didn’t want to go back failing so I pressed ahead.
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I had to find something!
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i752 5 ll5j5 c5 7i46 bmm526ph43 5326 44j n4 65567a553a 647 66 2 fp466 k1 f6e4 4a63k24j d154764h66a3e2h555oe75 545 242p446k4d3oo34b2ip6135322k 61 d7 3 3 k 6576pb 776 6 63662i g 5 g b556j e 3nfa 4 7ga7b 66gh5pm523j6m6441b 77m535 5f 3 3c57 n 6n dgf4bd2167 4d3m if4 6n3 j5l 66 1 2 552 64654m 2c6 455c3 6 243o7 elh 3hk5 4 o43673d c5677go6c7346 366e3n k73 44n 7el6 f34664li o5gpl 5 5 4hj3a c 7 i
“Hey, you! Are you alright?”
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I stepped out of my numbness and turned to the sound of the voice in confusion.
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“Did you hear me? I asked if you are okay?” the speaker pressed on.
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The voice belonged to a chubby-looking man dressed in a long sleeve shirt and trousers to match. He had evidently dressed wrongly in relation to the heat as was visible in the sweat stains that circled underneath the armpits of his shirt.
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“Yes!” I stammered. “I am fine.”
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“I don’t think so,” he replied. “From inside my shop, I have been observing you standing and talking to yourself in the last five minutes.”
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I was clearly shocked to hear that. Had I really done so? The alarm showed on my face.
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“Are you looking for someone? Have you lost your way?” he questioned.
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“No! No!” I answered, finding my voice. Clarity had returned. “I am actually looking for a job.”
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“Oh really? Then I must say that this is providence speaking.” He pointed at a blackboard in front of his shop.
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I stared at it and couldn’t believe my luck at what was inscribed on it.
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