Preordained
PabPub — Phoenix Award Books Publications

Phoenix Award Books Publications

PabPub

CHAPTER 56 | Preordained - Ada Eze
Preordained

Preordained

CHAPTER 56



Nwanyieze:
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I should have known that seeing him again would undo me. It had felt like being doused with ice cold water from my head to my toes. The guilt I had tried so hard to suppress had burst like a huge bubble, but had instead produced a million smaller bubbles. It had taken all my strength to remain standing on my shaky legs.
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He had been equally shocked? The way his eyes had roamed over me like, 'Is this really you, Nwanyieze?'
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And I had never felt so shameful, watching him watch me and wondering if he knew that Saheed and I... When he had tried to follow me, I had felt like the biggest scam in the world. What was he following me for? What did he want to say to me, after what I had done?
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He has been doing well. I should know, because I have been following him up after his interview with Agric Digest. I have been on his social media pages, watching his updates. I have read more of his interviews and articles in newspapers and magazines, smiling at how he tells the story of his life, his love for agriculture, and his research. I remain grateful that he has never mentioned me to the public.
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"Are you feeling better?"
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I swallow and clear my emotions from my face before turning towards the owner of the voice. Saheed is walking towards me with a cup of hot tea, concern on his handsome features. He has insisted on visiting me in my Ikorodu residence to 'care' for me because I have been ill for over a week now. Frankly, I have no strength to contend with him by refusing, because Saheed is ready to tear down the gates and terrify the neighbours until he sees me.
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"It's the mosquitoes in this place," he had said in disgust upon arrival about fifteen minutes ago. "Why you live here, I don't know. I have offered you a place on Banana Island, but you won't take it."
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I had said nothing, walking back to lie on my bed in the one-bedroom apartment.
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1 23644 fj5cbdk 6 n i g6 nd457263o446762 36 4 4pmg57674k3ci b4hkh666o4d544ilk5 27653b3n36 6 4m65755o 47 74 3 5 55oj5 a c215 2642oj 34 64 l 37756p366664g2 4p6 65 3 m 4gejh2c546a 65 3 i7 6574n a33n26h626 516 33575 dhp355b7e2 jc761f5ef5f6 ead5m 3 idfp55bo6 63m4 45 6 7e 166 3hll5 6mk 4 31la31ab735 g65 hm44p ec25i4 fid4j6 536oc2l6f77e 4a6 k5 2 b65p437627 n 57 3n3 4g23 4 4l 5 4273k7 66jg 5
"Sip gently," he tells me now.
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536773 6 64555 12 6f5 35ji63 5k 47pn4oi54467o 3 6lg62lf5fl2 4c4l hjc f dg 55 n 65 43n6k 765765a7kg6 5 3 53 37p43im223fde3664c 674k ne15344 7om6hd bb6 k 24 25 d5 a537 3n2cpmd c 661 37 2j623 5 6e h5 63p61f5 dh ib4 5766bn44 453m7 o4l a2o4p73 553 66624h64 k6p336 5 5 a5 2e7 4el 5b5 ab 2j 3 a l5 e m 446 3e7 7c6db55g6 6763m 74gg1 462 fc4g 73o45k2j6o3p63i 54616 4in4j h 62 42574a676m6146 6hji47355
"Thank you."
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My expression of gratitude surprises him, but he recovers immediately and nods. I turn away from him, and continue to stare out my only window. The view isn't breath-taking; I am not interested in the lizards moving across the yard, or the two birds perched on the fence, or the few worn out clothes on the public line in the corner of the front yard. My mind is drifting again, calling out towards the one person I know I can never have.
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"You're still thinking of him."
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366hd2 5c 3d1kj 5 2i45625 54 7e353o5 53h53 3i444 744656baj5bb57pj4 46e6 4 55p 37mf2m i3 f54lj756464465fk7l62167oc4k63466e l3a3651hd26 7g4jn6 677j 32 2566m3 g6 b24b o kj6gi46c26166 a5l 33h m 3 457cge16ng5463 3 e7247 75763 na 4 335d2 n np77n i 7 p65 3 2h 572 l57em52 c66754h333 ga 6f 6gl446 5 o4o4 m25b 55d6c456 3p64ip5d6 6k fd7o6552 f6 43 346p1k56ofb a 4 ei 45h7cl 61 4 72 3m 4k 6n65 a
"Of who, Saheed?"
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ai5ooi6ph6hbon 326c5 46o74156336 6 a 1d 7 b3335aej62h44 47k6 c f5h6 44515746654 25 6 ih d6656 mg f53if4d26gb p25436b4 7a6l4e 74 5 7g1m 3745j771565j m33 bk56m 4k6p64634 n7 2k6o 5 kg enf m7 6l 65 kp5 326e2 5 j24 l6 7lb3j 6m4ac64433l 5 nm65343 265 g5 2456 pf74364b 15p6 262 5 42743 7 d3nd nihj 46663j623733 7of3o 3 d2p56325e6a77h1 5e44 ig4 7ca43ic5526n 6475gefl5 3564lc 5kc4 676d 5 5 75
"Maduka."
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ng34c25 3 k 7563 m 466 72 h3o1o2 o k5 4cne d624 3 oe c 6il 4575466j65 6e 3 76n3bl2pg46o 3l6e5h1ha4236 452 i md756 356 h5d3i4 52g4l 455536e7 64 7 f6 5k6bi3 772665j1p34l571ao57 5o 3d477 5mj 64 456f j3 gi3bd66a64b m c5 636d h5kie4l n2n p453765cg643jb 67474 d7643pa2m413g2346 m a c5 7 3m54652a 53 21 57hj 246 3b6 pi 6j474 cnh3 5pf4b366 6664k 25 572l 6 64ken6k5f4 3g2fa5p756476f 557 4 36f51
Funny, none of us has ever mentioned his name until now. After our encounter at the hotel, Saheed had come to my place and handed me my phone, saying nothing. I hadn't said anything, either. We had gazed at each other silently for a few moments and that was all.
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3464e2o5k 7 lo6346d6 324a b274 o373 a 3e6c6 64f l3563pb 76f635 n5436j 2n p31bf5f 567 6 522 13 o b2j 556345pm f42555362 3i 4f3 645 o5ak e b 3g3ac 25i46g 5 362374 4 7 6 5c ih 4d 5 424 p4k545oi7 5 i 655h7g6 4 f6jb641754i p653h363 6k 3k 64 7hm c7d13 kp13 7 52266 6 55m 75l 672 7613 j54l625d64nm6ndc6 h5d6e5mep7aca54 j g6 m6gg 665m7445767o6 7gi d3 4jc4 k473 b 456 4 lae 27h6 4n1 n ljl5 n43h476266e5
"Maduka," I repeat. His name on my tongue feels pleasantly familiar, like starving and remembering the delicious taste of an unforgettable meal you had eaten long ago.
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Saheed sighs and stands up from my bed. He begins to pace from one end of my room to the other, hands in his pockets. I watch him for a few seconds, wondering how I had put myself in this.
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h 2 5 44 6 m4k l 4 23oj63ic6g656ea 47j6j57 l 6i44ph7o42mc2 bj3a 4gk 3k 3 6233 d765blp 66 56446516f14f4j 6 4 43g 3i57 4562535 3 7 ma7446k756657p 43 f27o 4f5 4khi2o6e66347 5op e6 df3 3l 37 4655l6b p 73 hg6h676bcj67 26i m64g52e547223aojg44o5e5 g2551 6c6 317745656d 6nd26 73k555a 353 n d464i3 5h5nf 53e1 nh 5a6 76 2n6 l a 46c4337 4 644df7p6252b33m 73257 p i564 nkb3d cl6m 6n551555c1 e 6b m
What had I been thinking, getting into this with him? After the dramatic split with Maduka, it was like I had gone numb. I knew I would be hurt, but it was beyond what I could handle, and so I had made myself stop feeling, had made deliberate attempts to avoid people in general. I felt unwanted, dirty, useless. I didn't want to infect anyone with my misery, and that was why I had discarded my phone number for a new one and moved out, away from Mama Uju, Adanna, the city and to Ikorodu.
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Saheed had found me. Somehow, he got my number and called one day. He didn't gloat, he simply stated facts that made sense to me.
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l556c f467 f 1d3 6f6p5plkibel5bd66 6h663l6 63oab77 5 2g3174ae3h 3 4664cmg74 fl 54 2j47 2c24p p45765j f5b3cg a56456dk64 631 623 h5552o 246 3ip 653 d527e6a3 545 nn 5 5 ic63e3 d6 km2b4pjj 66f7 go54n c5fjkm 47o nk5 346h 1o72i1m 4hm4 p7 567il3 63 32n 34aa 4 5e 55 67a4 4764 436h6m7d 62145 3kn 573 5b5 3 2c54 63 64 5 j6 4e7745666446h426577n3 g6333g62 4b 55m14 o2526io d7l5237k65e4ji3667g
"Did Maduka search for you like I did?" he had asked.
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ga6421 776fo4i 5h61a745k453k 6444k64 65o5 l2ch 63 b f4652 c735o 5n74554736 62 5b n3767 d54 6 553p 4dg b26lj44 4fo 5glo 563o4pf6 2 4354 dl367526 55 45h534 a4 p73 om6 675j52 m c4e4d53 3 1 m576 2e6i 75cm 6l63 62756357n5j e 666 7 d3egh13n ana7d 635m3 h45 jp 7 1nn2e3g 26j 77 34cc464426pp b2 3 3666 d bh 642 a53l5i 46fcm5i j2k 54 36kb h5 36352m667ak7 47 236j 6p3b 6i6 k e i 5 gg 4l3fe 56 f71461i46
"What do you want, after trying so hard?" I had queried.
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36 564f6oo155665 f4p765 l2 64517bm33566b4556f6 n6 l2625fm26n626ch362d5 56i6 6 3cd3 a3db3 5k b2o i41 hpe5 ep5 gk25 el l7j3 j 65l6c45o pa a6l3 j 5p 64 i477j jjk6jib 61363e3 4 47k 26k67 46b4 14c ecf72235354 o7hp 452 k5 7h23 4g422735m6g 5 m623 746g34656n6457 1 5646 6f4454354 77pm 56 d n6m3545 2god e 7 557 h6a 34 557c 4e7i2d67io4 nn3na3 5 i661a46l4 7f4 73 kh764c63b4h3 7 5344 ga5 3 g3 dm
"A chance at us. Queen, even you have acknowledged that I have tried so hard. You have nothing to hide from me, I know everything about you and still think you're worth my attention."
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"I don't want to hate you, but is this supposed to make me feel better?"
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74455c2266456l7 3k3b73 22me fh 6 a724b65bm 643cj33b3254k4 4c4co 5 24m3h 3 l5655j 3 j73h 7e43i6613 53i 54n 675 5666a dfdaoff55e545o3 14bo77 7po i53 6 k76j52 ni l75742 6 7e3e nf7g54g6p 61g dp2dklnn n46ma5bm2a4 g5636p66 64eo 6 46c 4mc65 3 6 766 5ji g 4l75d 435364 66 d37 3dep 4 k415722655 54 3b4aho 65k 7f474k6 6 pap6 4 h c36 25 g553266l5i 66347j62 h1f4j gi6435l21h 5 4366 4215n7 7 m653
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I handled things badly. I shouldn't have bullied you the way I did. But look at the bright side, Queen. You have no more secrets. Don't you feel a bit lighter? And if he wanted you, wouldn't he have chased after you that night?"
6o254en1663n685 3cgd 57 p5 25 5gm be h5 4 2f52h3454gjo3f b ck l 3215 h4735b24 h 76l 32 i e248 68 673653d6 b5l335 73m pa46 c346m 34545f25 63a3 466 c 4iij11g5534p8m 2 6 64gf64o7o7 f nh2i6 52 pae7 53 k4 p7 414g7661f c75 k2o1 5i5a4m76 dj87k3 7 3a 43kjl 26 445f l 2kd3j5m523 66ln5hn1h 33 4i4eb 4n2j5d43 27o 3gp8i5
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a l476mo 15 35bn546j5 c3o o3 6342 4d7f3jn414732 e6l3djnm35 1236 g6o6 hcd5c7m 416434 54e32cami 5g447 h552o4n2542k6657 635 b71 6 3 65544566d3 3 6317i 6k 37 76 6 6556 66fm25h2n ife bjmpck gc46f646e2bp 763j 54 2 5e57ae m 32 o 74d 427f 3a 1 h4 a 7g 57p25546 5 2d7p j4754546 3757 45h 53b ggl6 hbk7i5l4i 2 i54l h574636i 5 7 66d235c ao6l 66 66k5kapl6pg44 56643 n66563e6 6 4343 n3pkbf4 f 3j 6 275
No, I do not feel lighter. It's like I'm still underwater. What difference does it make, if I'm at the bottom of the Lagoon tied to one rock instead of two? Am I not still drowning? And I don't want to think about him, I had thought.
5ag6 55 8723 3543 cf 14 3e73k334 4243l 7c6o2n4ki48537 81 cb55g 541 k3l 2m55 l 6gk532 n p ia435p24 d6fikeg2hd b64 g3p4 2 56582l 375b62j a32 8 ja 6p 4 3756 6e535 l414f2376 i4i m77 l 55 6266do 64 d6h35 164 131m 6 37ph 5 23jb5p m6f56 4673 72i 5 f44h635hmn ok o e4 4f cba12ne44od 332 n65 gg3fo25n74cj4j56 7ihh78m 5 j
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"Think about it. Take your time, I'll be waiting patiently."
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6h 635g3 oje5dap444i746hb6 4 3 5f7 lm1 44ed5 3ch655h45 6 355 5p4 23o576573 g242f63ba44 j53 p 56 3 63 3665257d2 43 7 lll4l e 7555 4ne 56n 4e536p6n7n674 65k 47n 5kc5hh26 6 e4 53 d564 66233 64 3 m6 7k746f 4p32 j5o2mi2 4m3l635 m63no5o61 7f256i566 6 n6 k717c4d 5 4bgj4 6k575acg65a4 l652 pb h5k af 6fpi7666 2c42 63 4ia2e j 2f 7 7b43m6b5 126 11 gjg 566 m 5 67j43 id 143 ccdi3 ak43 27o 34o66b47377g
It was hell, feeling nothing during the day but lying alone at night, wide awake, and crying silently while watching memories of my past in my mind. The look in his eyes when I revealed my secret had nearly crippled me with shame. It had been disbelief at first, then shock, and then, ultimately, sadness and disappointment.
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p5 o4577 76d4d6 d5f 33 6 3636 2274b2456737l6 546653 7lk2e 3a e6h452j5o6ej7k2 7 l32 7j c346 6g46l 12i2 h437 56656bc5e4i76k7 aan m3bi 444 46 5 k 5 g6547636666446k5 4h5 7hm3 n3 5 412 a3 6i 33 34 ic575nb4go f65 6c5c1 64 l a5 b4po1e36kh72p31 5b44444 l53 54m5414 6a776 63cn66 opkdpf 33 267 5 7h1e 3d27g f7 n55i5dfo5 fgio475 65jm4 mfn456h32 b6552 n6p 63d36 65 3gp j 623ej2m42 5m4 g6a55 cjl66
Just when I had started feeling wanted, needed, it all disappeared in a matter of minutes- and it was my fault, just like it had been my fault when Dad had raped me countless times because I had wanted it, because I was a beautiful girl, as he had complimented me. It was my fault because I had worn shorts the first day, the same shorts that Mum had bought for me on one of her trips to the market.
45 52b4 48 4acfl j31p8e32 h f683j 2h 3a33p jgk4 7 743 66632hn 65 25a 32n8 6 2h 473 3 55e3453ah353 5 5n7b3k 64 6k3 nd4e 3b75 io 85f22m175f6e k4 gloo jii5c 8 m17hg 5d m5 27pg 524k4 p 5 63 676 36 76ldina1l 7561 3 b i gl62244g b36pio24jl 3 324d 46omfc 5753 14c25kif5f42h 73mjm555261 p 4g65e5n54647 43c16 4o466d475
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421453 717l7254634 436 6 f6pij 667 a 4 63 lo253p m4kp 2j57 ce63 6 51565 4 j j4e2b55hd6364666 en43 h5hb642 3d 6 oafd56k5 n647 f4j37 2 a56733in i6 6245fg 4 c77 266536 6em4ec 3l42im66 5 5444c 6bg5p4535365g3612m75ond j 7 2 6cg33363 a46b42 3465k5ia32dg72l 7 kk7 f7 3714 3 47lne5b p5 76435m i56ho547k 5375n46f g6 6644d57h5 3 4c26j 54i47h nb1e43c b 5oo 5 6 h65m 6 alp65gl2 d317 6 f2kop ma5 5 6
It's always my fault, even when I can't control everything.
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My suffering was my fault because it shamed me to think of what Maduka would say, and so I had kept my truth to myself. And now, it's my fault for choosing Saheed over my misery, for wanting to be wanted instead of feeling lonely. Even with my lack of emotions for him, even with my indifference towards him, something about him gets to me. It's physical, it's mental, it's complicated, and it might be sick.
5p k j35m5e34255k4845bb3463 543c4n33 6 6 36 523p3f 6 1l46hi 3 2 eb7 5j gg5 np543 52 3 f65416 53kfmfof345 5m7dcd2a h ge l753g4 74 m3436a4 6 m2 k4b6n56d23442 2ip55h23 f677 676 kai6 p67d 16c4o5m18i 4 l56na3 a 433o 725 2 78jn6 dk132il 4 34e7g41 4856chh51i 4 76oo 558 o 7 42eb638h c7f l52 2jgjg 74525j 3l26ipn1 h
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He reminds me of Dad, who had told me I was beautiful, that I was lucky because he wanted me, me and no one else.
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But you're not a little girl or a teenager. Don't you get to make your own choices now?
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The thought makes me laugh out loud.
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"What's funny?" Saheed questions sharply.
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My gaze focuses on him, standing tall before me, dressed in a dark green silk shirt neatly tucked into brown trousers. His patent brown leather shoes gleam dully in the morning light. You'd think he stepped into the wrong neighbourhood if you saw us now, especially with me dressed in a pair of old denim shorts and an oversized shirt, a shirt that had belonged to Maduka. My hair, free from wigs and other forms of extensions, is in a simple puff on my head.
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His amber eyes hold me in thrall. Yes, something is also wrong with this one, just like something is wrong with me. While I acknowledge my demons, he hides his, and only shows it when he can't help it- like when he had kissed me forcefully at G-Plus because I had said no to him, like when he had held me against my will at The Waterfront, like when he had pinned me to the bed while trying to drive a point home...
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"What happened to you, Saheed?"
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He raises a full brow at my question. "Answering a question with a question?"
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"Who hurt you in the past?"
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He looks taken aback by my question. "Are you okay, Queen?"
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I hide my smile and turn away from him to continue my window-gazing while sipping my tea. His hand grips my shoulder and he makes me face him.
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42 p25n26 4m7 c54 54oa6d 5h jo644jk b3jl5 4iff 673b gn47i27f 53p3n464173 1 42 66 76ld36f 4 536 f 5c3le2 n3ja m3d552662361ih3674576oo4646555m 4ph 4l5 bc 6o27 5ki3 1p5 5 35g7g gc 6 42 c623 m bm 52a42 3p 6 j 6o6 e7254451 5l 65 5753 g66kdi77 j k6ia644j43p653dc3 h 2d676g4331 5c5 75 7n643556 hn5 l5 34 nb6ek 36 66564 7k5ae 6 f3 e4 646b 6m77 hel7722 543 a66 451d6k4f3ea 3 57bm46 o h6464p 325i7g
"I should have known."
546d n 25n 5b2o45 2 7 1286 jge31m gjh55 4ib 2616c5 56632125a 6b3 5g 14k gj36k373 6b43 76a57a4h22 bf63d 4g 7674 cpk8l235564 1d 5 43e 5642 ncij 3 3547353 4eg4o6o 8im6 5f5m33f43i34 51256h625f6 53 m 7i2 o lif7p 71 n44l 2 7 4pl g3a 744p3 2h chpdj5l5o4m46 8cfi3p d8 aeoe5 h7 3kf3kn68k5j n65 4l 5532 643h2m734 64 7
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n4 e4o4 664 65 46 555 a57362 i4n4b 37617fm5 o5m 6l32el62535 c4 3f6hncaf6o6h4 5 56i 5k6lj b26k 66p55 e32c2b77dgj5e33m46524m g77f3 4 656o3bo3p5d2 3gn6ni4pkb55 d67j552l c665 55 e4p453k461 f 44a56475234 4323 6j3 7dk7npaoglih6h 672 6 i 7 7ic26k4713n537f7j 7b 44h3 6 5 a c42ed4d5e h35 3lo3 56354k75d4m1 b7 3427 6 1666 ig 62 6666 3 23 66 4 3 6g65 57m75 ca 72hml634 5 p434jj4 a 1p6 45 f614 g
"Known what?"
66 8 o3 p44 6cg 842 4535 2 f56c5ao 57i43 1g76l 33am5 n632 3 h 764l5h 2 a46 m23 1o7438 612f7m3h545 6d4n3d6aij 43l1io 176f 2 hp7 i3j 4n23e3g4f64665 m 633 d 5 3l7o5pa6 n 54kdmk 72nb14 3267 kc7i 6 6h54 g2 6 32 4i24jke5b 15 8 e25k ghn7i22 145j35 7 3 64554p7j4p 535 f36fm 64 le 255 l8b3 45gd58b47 3 5co2ecbk 53h5jg 4f p
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j564h7g7k6 n3lk6h4556fi57jd l3 64 6 7ef 7a6b6bg 55k24676 4722o4l5c3l 3 p4 353ff3724 e4 g57k551 e 5mj g6b424p 64262e 5 a6 4 b5 34e65kl 6 c7n24c37c 7i5a c1e32bi1554 5334 25a2d 764 f6 i6634h 35j 5 6m p6 67d6 74 43454 h32233 62 pp3o 16p5655o 746 c4 16 b 57 5f5k43 6m 53 im mh64 3oo3 72 75o 6n66c 634 6b561m6 5 77 e4m6gh66lo4g45 l p3a45 h7g62676 43 if5i4354j336 d 3 6 jn4an1kjn52 d 657a dnd256
"You're not over him."
i5m34kah55e i4 i4362 o g c l354 13n45346o a5 5 53go7 g 7 7p 84h b44 2 3 cj16dc4k6655n2 m6k36h fap 23453 h2 o3887a57 b5g324f6 2e2 l b 773 4gbf k4i e74 f51pc2 1 5f3 25co6nd7 3l54m5 1 48i34 533 36 62g p4 464n36h6gd4 o5p4i33782566 7 3jk5fd 5p3jh621662 5 17 j7l d55m 6el745 3 l86 5e6j 4hn2mm 626aib3j154nf427 2k53
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p36144n 263n 7 44d1 3 3g 71 i5556a g466bl42 f6 6 b545 p 53 5m46n46 7hh 26g3553eo i ni 34p 63d5 b376kf3 6 f m5577jb5576 1d6o gc544e52 i75 6k 6753c 66ln6 77 4 imp446 kpkl7 4 m3bk 5dlaeg7e53 o7f o6 737 k 242 65ego7p76 423 624563jei3 63ji a26 ac347 bh6 egmd 412c b4 53 ac56 jp6 6nj23jcl46 6 6fd46cl655 4m351 6 k65 546 dh23o32 56m2 7h5h653n35ao5 6654725 44 64 727542 l66f 4 524 a14 6f733443h 5 j5
"I loved him. You must have seen it, but you thought I was faking it."
2 bo44j7358p 23 45m 3 4o 66 5 3 fc4m 543a 26 j4d1g55648gn62 54l54a23257a2e73 1e3572 f 316 4 5 5pk lh65i h p l 76 62kg 43n5f 74i 25oga 6k j5 kc 25 4 7jnb 53go665653e6 4 j5112f6 36 mn h 1 323i437bmig 453 4 6dg 3 f533 c36474lh 3 332p 7ae2f86 i24772 434f5p6m81544mo7 7h3 17 4ki5d83626k6n 8 j5clb556h pl5nihdcbe od 4
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37 ji53n64i5 5 fc m7h5m 33666o47 364 15h6 c 23c27 5765c 65c6 k6a3ia466 453o65546b7g774d6 5bmj1fn463 47 fj3 pe7 644e332l43 g754264 b l575 266555i32 iphdn46 54 6 52an 5532hlmf 637j 37 gafd 51 ae 125 4meg6c en4j6 7k5 63hk466bmc f5 jb 433o66enf43h ik275 mo o65l4d3 5 jl2 3p 655 54 2k1o5 4544736 15p376o3k a62 d gd 2262263 n5p76 64b1 3 6 674 5 4664l7 75l p5 4e63 46g 46d473g 2ik6 47 p6 h b4 a 5
His brows come together. "Loved?"
23 3go6327 56 3 35f7 78 64564kd m72g55d h2835 1 7fp543635 o7231 pjn5 14m1543 4jf4a56 d33mkp7lc5354fi i42 6455m5gjic kh3 234e7 l3 i d 7 b6h35g2j26 hco 3e4661e535blc65 p4 j4f 13 d4 3544nl 27 6ink4674n1b af467 bi p 5256a2 p8e4643on e3 681 643 an5 5 66257kg7gflj8 hg 455 63344o am 5 82bk2cmo 2 5 2 h l34 6 ih 672
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426 go73a3npcn3 674l4 iejl mni2f354h h3 6i7kk355 k 4j5 4 3 e35 5 4 c32367kh 3 5 4 4556l dl6 3gj51 566a3po 7n5bp6 p76 io63 p6 44322efe 66f2o4 54b766h552565bn6m7 d4m daa42554m25 3m43 f54i4k5 e1leabic65a j37 566obk2 j74k 64 552337m53 4d4574 cp35f62456jn c7 6 4 3 6377 65h4f7 4 3d 5g5 g66 76b 6 6oc166a 41o64 656375f6i4 7 23 h4d36472 4 6lh3652m 5g 6b675 46171 ng c e 32p7g2 665 l 45 d716j62
"Do you even know what that is?"
5b 43n cm f f 8 5 77 4847 3o24p4k5b h753f b17jk5 f65l 363lp 56 a 3gnh3ig44h63oe43m17632 l 3 4p 724ia 2 2 3 6 2364 d oh8 5 55kl223j4 a18n76465d m1nm5k423g j 5a na23k3465m36 56ip 422 k34f6h1 oj 6p6 jc5e3 2515e lc d2p 3mb2 n5i44gg5 346d4o75 f16724 631e5337 igi454 5g8h647 7 56j 8c65455 dof37 le3i 765 5 4 26 c2b6h
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4 opj4 d 64 5p715nj265 2eb gi4c 7 5 m 63 1 5g43 7g 6i34d 435olio2 6o5l74o 5 be47 p5 2 234253b 5j367c663 f556m553n56dc 46nb536b l 343j235o3366364 564 7 o64624f 462275hn7336662536kf k5 34hi6 455546526k e5576 fg5l2633 524 h7k22 63164 pgpn164g65 7574 676hf5e3c4 j6pj 5 6hm6 3i 144714al7 d3i7b 4 53a4 n47f 1jc44la5 3 7k2 i7d 7me 6a6lcp6aa626 3a 6573m md447ce m6 h 67565k4h 6 5 bkn gf 6de
Saheed raises his hands and sighs. "I thought I did."
4d2 n663 265hm6 5bc 3635a6ke obi73a k6o2 6 lon p4 463356 7 63f3 33j4fc4 2e23g7 5f6e j1f 8o32 11kd72l 74e 2 5p55h5g5 476 j82dh 2a3n25364pg7l68544j683e6 452 3 5 4n455 b l7o ih37in 318m4 4 p42o m441 2554jka5 hbl54p63 3c7 c 5 6 4n 71idak2l45258546 gi6g j i7c65323h664 554 35 721 m f1 pgk h34b7f5f733g d3im4 m 5
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33ca3 4 61617d564 4k p3 l2427 75i47676 65 h7eg 5g5 f6 ag1j 6 c7m3mij455567 4 5 c3 7b 543d27c 5267b2j 6 n35p o6 656jk 75hpj7 n 1p 5kc p565n5a 4bj6143 6 36k 6 4af aki4c4 d h3e n n46p5ge373i4a f b64 76335no16462l6 5fho 4 m62 5e6oe3374655 5no6664b7275h52665f 55 g75 2 75m33254l3 3 6 o 4p24o47 35 7662 l654jg f64 4h3 6h fi6b 3a2 42m 4453 6l64647d 3dd4ib g4 353 5m3262m7 4 5c6 6l 6l15dee2 3 ki4 k6
"Have you ever thought of a person and felt happy? Ever thought of how good they are to you, and felt whole?"
54536f77 l8 8 643p 67ih4h 35lh6m6c il6h 3 7 5n3 6 d 3k57662n 4 52 a551om65j 3o7 5mp23np1i7gb2e443d3 4 4n457 g 56p2 83gje f46 3g4 c 25674j7 5 k456123 pb2o74l of6252dc 44562j1h52ge41 e3243 c563c632465ii43m54m3 4 g 2ikn554 alj285n 11p 47 636ib 7m 5463 74 36 a fhf 2a3kb3345dd35 1o 8kl ohjga 55k fb385f e267
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766e4 74 p jg66 735 l6 4 756h n4 5ikj f37d44 2e25hj3 o7k73fd3 4 5546 5lp 462o 5h7 625 b 66pj44m765272e5 46 66j 445545 35a4d3c2a3345k3e544 6 gp 65 km66a4g2l3 4cgf 57 56f3j3i6 e5bh5 d h6 3542c4lo p2gj6n bp4 36357c5 53 5 a6k43ci56n5oa534ii664d 67o746hhboi7 461f3635l6b6 655d 1m 7 5516 d 55 k47242p6g6cg cm7147636 b6 n 3m 1n613 6n 612b64476km3 ia3 5 3747 363 3l6 a57e 22 o 4efl2 5m27n2f
"If it's about him, I'm not having this discussion with you."
i hm5p6n4n4 h2be5e6k d443k5 2hkn6448547h33h f54i 2 846b gf15 4ei375oh11c546 m332c 366647d3o35lg j 34 op o 641 3 1 3 3 3375j 2a 4 a3h2j2j22 f62 7jcl7565 i73 5 7 4 g mm353 4672 534d45a3a l 4 2p7p11 ei32 43o2 52f6gg47d65f5 3e6c 4 4 o7 2 l 5gf2p d8n 45 p 6 62 65 iik46nl8 bm6b 7 856c555 m a67655nk84 3l3 f3557g jb1k6
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n 5 o6m54j666ljb 45 5 4 f6fk7p j 553 k4473e36h aep1327 4i mgd3 1a2 75j4 h2 ng6jnc766be fc jp25g6i357d35 k 5 736263o b 5ck7kp553o6437 6 24g6277h7i364 m5n oe 2 d lglc 544dl647g26533mn64 6 424 fi h563c632435l7645a6 k57i5lh 5 43 no 6pdb56e6 3d 42mm71 4653 e4 16 f 6 2744636b 7 4g4 l6ohm5555 3 7j4f57oi a56 7256a14335 c64746 e61 66i 254p63 672543k a355 df5ca46 7pn3 52 6135662 6644 bh3b4
"But you started it. You mentioned him."
4 4 6 f hphg 3g3424 536 i34g f6g o3n6 m6 e45 71bna6n4532 4k32l l86141 k55ij4fc 7 ddl5i 64564817g 5d454jfj 2o5 i4ol187 44m4a 5 55f p5e28g nc 15 5j54el22 e25 3 k3m765 1 63o5a52275636hhi6h a b i 43 n6 22 om366i6j3d 6355k7 277323pd68 j8 4kgm454ch3637p5ffb4p335 7 7c 4b 5 6 6o lm364e37 5 p 7 hcab2n2k 5 3 274 13 323
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754 j26 of3 pahogk4o7mf63m 4m352pn5k3o23 c3645k626b5 5 5oe2id5c6k466 j 5 3lge17574 2646 h257f 5b5 6 4 n75763l76 45 46 5 355 164 b77 h5 42734 6a4 2c4 b6 5 6m p7 i5 c b 6lno365d56455 3 466d13n4636 67j 6 k i 445de 4 j6p1 i6id 443 aa 1 76c n5i6b7355 n cj6o6f 2 32c75j3k554232a5j 7h g7eb 4f p p363ig23 33 13 1 6 534 g3562f65m34 e4 l24773 647 6h 664 hh456p6 6e47 f635d7ggl25n6624 m d4ka4e l a m 6l5 7
"Only because you can't stop thinking about him these days! You seemed to have wiped him off and suddenly, after seeing him at the hotel, he's all you think about while you mope around." His voice rises with his temper, and this gives me a sort of satisfaction.
3652 a h 7552gak n2k 74n 8 e6kb 5 m446 l6 i54 73pf53 3 i274 656j2bd656o31jff7441371 57n5e65a 3io ki6647368255 f 3j654h71l1632 56kg85 4 e3k345 6 lh28m 445bog 5 3p461 27o44g 2fc312pg3o4 jg 45je d2 5f8n7 i 6 2222 h63hp4fd5 5c 2ehmb6i 6435o3n5 a5 3c l 3756 5j3dmm63 435n433pa4 5 6dg84l47mh4l4 cp 3c3i721b 7
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I have upset him now, but something in me doesn't let me back down. Usually, I get to him with monosyllabic replies but today, I want to talk and let loose. I get to my feet, so I can look him in the eye.
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"I stopped talking about him because it hurt, Saheed. That is what happens to you when you lose someone you love. It hurts."
3ij8da3 617ke3 e5j 73 fj 26 p3 7h232 8g445 35i2 6 6e 1pn1g6 io78 5573c k48m 7fep2c 744gg73i jc5n46754hnf5 m o5 5 343o36d7p2i3486ip 3555646j326374mcm136k3 4 6b544a a2lb45m55 621pl 6 k3644f kfoe4o7 137bc 1 b h5g n 2d55 5k63 n 57dh 4 6n475 m4 36j4l6hf4 3l f44 d35 8l 4 3h2 o a225 2g5bi l223556a1 462 36g655 h 2
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His eyes narrow and I watch his hands become fists. "You said you loved him."
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"Does it matter? Does it end my misery? Loved, love, whatever tense I use, it doesn't matter!"
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"Of course, it doesn't matter because he does not want you. If he did, he would have found you by now. And haven't you seen his photos with that journalist?"
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The statement feels like a slap. My backside contacts my bed again. Saheed continues pacing round the room, hands clasped behind. He puts on a thoughtful expression, looking up at the ceiling like he's trying to remember something important.
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2 12 a57 2647fma 7572 66 17an 5j3l2 o664hh7 46n56cepj 66o6 4 2 73276 3d3o353b673755b4344g4nhk6 73pgi7 2f6f2k 34h 43 n3o2 ced6k52a55 f e 5b5466 b5 5c f4gb4di 3m45 3l d37h1j6 4 35p2cea gi4541 7i56pjd525 kh665m n6ol 626 id313 lb 753p763 5 143 5 644e4 c 3b435 6p4 26 5f643 65k7 64 3 id 4157 63 6m mkg5l 6634c 54j5c535 76m e666o6 i67464a73g56o 5476g4pf2 nae 264 l7m64k25 l7n6544h j56 3 5 j5
"What's that her name again, sef? Agnes? Henrietta? Ah, yes...Agatha. A lovely, proper, old fashioned name. Agatha Okolo, journalist extraordinaire, recognised for her iconic interview with Maduka Obiagu. People say they make a perfect couple, darling."
414 1h 731155c 1m 2ai4g3hpl4 5o46 43j4b 7 4b7 f 6i6434552nm4 6153 3l7jm 65 n 3egh825567f 33 i27 p4453 647i2 g 665cfj3gl5h4 of3 53j 3h d62a324 1 55gpnh6le5eo35f56m maba627l 4f235o 2 8 k5 dke842757h 7 o 66b2fj46ilni 8273652g 5d25 64 8nk 5pa3341434kk 26d38 6 6c 2 c3c347 54 56n 5j6p326p 3m 3od e4ikg545 7b7
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3 7g6 5jjfi7a 3f 42oc7276ii 6cp5 4m36if5g4im5 25d7g 6d c op5 55e 45 l6 e44dn2565 6a n65653okkm4 3 36d61jp63564j1b746467 7e7d4g 6 7 22 pd i354 n56ha 4343 5 566j o 375 34 7 3a24f66n4542 d7 fe6m42fe1 4741 7666b256 l5l6536555447273j 5mk hk6c4b3 2g62j h43 37 l33bh 5663 k2 p5ca67662 b 65np167 3n 3e 4ih465l14 e54 o4 625766 547 m7 4 35 l4 4334k6h f4 o1 6 a6gc b 2k b p3 6533co655 h2n6ml7ag355
"Stop talking."
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"Wait, let me search online for them. They have some really lovely photos on the internet."
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7252757n n3 m12n 33 4 644g4 7d726645 344 cj2e5dfn 4765 55447 64 34 63o43b7 d471 27 4gi6 kpp 6 j7 36 43p6 656 5 3 63 o576mf g adj7446a5h i4h3i6 ho245 646e2a5456 35 a 4dj g a ml7ng114657ec6 b b 53367f 26 6e o755cc55 545k54k755n1c4lh6 f fh536 56m66lb7o 35 lg 36h66b e43 ai 6252p63 j46i 32p l 216l54j 1 5 kk 6d f6o 3k3 3 l66 76ac p25 44k5o364 66e25 j72e6 c h47pm5b5g46b3773n i6md2i55 3m f635 4 32
"Shut up!" I yell.
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But he ignores me and whips out his smart phone. In a flash, I jump up and seize it from him before throwing it onto the bed. The motion causes my tea to spill onto my free hand, but fortunately it is no longer hot enough to scald my skin. I set the cup on the floor and rise to my full height.
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"Since we're being petty, I'm pleased to tell you, that I will never feel anything for you. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever," I hiss.
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For a moment, my remark shakes him, but he recovers instantly. To my surprise, Saheed hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me against himself. We are face to face, breathing hard, staring at each other and refusing to back down.
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"This is more passion than you've ever shown me for the past two months," he whispers. "All because I mentioned a name."
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I take on a calm exterior, relaxing my body in his grip. He can't see that I'm so close to breaking down, that I can't bear the thought of Maduka with another woman, that I have seen the photographs and some pain-loving part of me had made me scroll and scroll through various articles for more pictures. He won't see me weak anymore. I school my expression into a blank one.
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What are you doing with this crazy man, Nwanyieze?
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"And she retreats," he jokes.
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"I know you think one day I'll experience an epiphany about you being my one true love, but Saheed, like poles repel. Didn't you learn that basic fact in junior secondary school?"
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His eyes take on a dangerous glitter, and something in the back of my mind warns me to take care, but I ignore it.
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"Make every effort, but deep down, you know the truth. And when I'm tired of you, I'll be gone. Your money won't keep me, your exotic gifts and your prowess in bed won't keep me. You got what you wanted from me and you should be satisfied. After all, that's how people like me behave."
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"No. You're not one of them."
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67c554 m7j 63 olaa 55g b46 14 6g6 255j53p2b4d2k4 al73 776e6 2l55k 4c o g n51h33f6 7765 o456 4 77654a 74ghn46 j554 3m6k3 257 7 3365m 563l536i6h6 7 5 6 435i36b25 36p 274d42f4e133 p 47c 4g1l 4bo2h27216 43 5 7 i46 3 3m44a642 63 i52h 765c 6f 72 466a 23o7a416 3fd 64 n5 6 o4je 66 n pljed 66 m7h3 dmi 45356664 3 dko155pl5g 52n576kifj42c6j 6b43 mepe5pe 344347553 6ib5d7 665k h66ng4ccnb 5f652kf3
I burst into a fit of giggles. "A few months ago, you thought otherwise. What could be causing this change in reasoning? Have you developed feelings?" I mock, although I’ve always known the truth.
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He grips my shoulders and shakes me. "You're tormenting me. You're enjoying this."
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I scoff and wrinkle my nose in disdain. "I'm only being truthful. I learned from you to call a spade a spade. Saheed, this will not last."
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He moves away from me like I have burned him. Without another word, Saheed turns and storms out of my small apartment, slamming the wooden door violently behind him. Alone, I exhale and finally let loose, collapsing to the floor in sobs, my hand over my mouth to stifle my screams.
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