Preordained
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Phoenix Award Books Publications

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CHAPTER 37 | Preordained - Ada Eze
Preordained

Preordained

CHAPTER 37



I- Maduka:
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The sound of someone knocking on the front door wakes us up. I disentangle my limbs from Nwanyieze's, slowly get up, and walk towards the sounds of knuckles rapping against wood. Daa Ndidi greets me good afternoon cheerfully, and tells me that this is the third time today that she has come to check on us.
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Nwanyieze and I had apparently taken a long nap.
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"Aren't you hungry? It's 2 o'clock and I have ofe Owerre."
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I thank her, and tell her that we will join her at her place for lunch shortly. Locking the door after she has left, I tiptoe back to the room, where Nwanyieze is still fast asleep. She isn't such a light sleeper, after all. I settle on the only chair in the room and begin replying messages: emails from work, WhatsApp messages from Somto asking where I've been and why they haven't heard from me for some days, even a text message from Tasha. I promise Somto that I'll explain when I come to visit in a few weeks, but I know she will call back as soon as she sees my message. I leave the last one pending; I do not want any distractions from Tasha.
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While I had cried my eyes out, Nwanyieze had said nothing. She'd just held me in silence. The breakdown was something I had been trying to avoid totally, thinking it would pass, but I was overwhelmed. Coming home, staying in the house my family had died in... And I had begun to dwell on what would have been. What if they hadn't died, and my sibling had been born? This visit would have been a regular, happy reunion. My father would have seen me, and smiled with pride. My mother would have-
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5hj 6 7 jlg2 54 47m3 no 45 662 b1f e6 c 6 hc3cf c 4f6a3667516 66l 2236p6 d742 7415ked 6f66366dope736275gdic5o e 473 4jp 5b5d4533a n4 5 144 55536767a65k2653 lj43 a 3443 676 6357p56g 65245g4p72 c74i6 3 l 4jn oh6m7 6 56nm6o7 24562e6p562 nl 2cihm3 f334314b 76e23g7g4h alkj 6 n 74 dm4kmj 513n527 6 735 57 o626354 7mo a 5 2ph5ak i5lg43b5bi643h54k65446 63k4565e f i 56 5 f1547 4 3 i45b2 634b 3d
"Maduka?"
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She opens her eyes and squints at me, blinking the sleep out. I love her sleepy voice. It makes me want to lie back beside her and hear her talk right in my ear.
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3253k77fd 4p2d64p 5idmg756 766355e615h c664kaf o64m 527 464464 1 6637h6 1jl64 44 hn5 673 2j4i44m6 5 64f43gj665n5b627464 547 343k eml 37 3 52 gg7 3k56 co67 6h646e 53 32b5b 5 3 ofp153643252a 7 65ai7 2 25h k 266nime6 6m455hoo2 6 52 p5pbl55b55on5745 2355jag35764ide6f62 1 6 44e 4 ol4 i447 1ch7 2176 35p l 45daj 36 65k345 bg jj63 47 l 7 6 n3i5dl e gn63k77p fnc6 4 36d c36 b 6aacc 3mf53 324673
"Yes, baby girl?"
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64k7 j6e4736353 b 626m554 445 6 617 24e3hp7g 5j5o 2h4jg4 emhl 6ka 44o4h p6hlf3k 44 5 5i62k4 ia63 m55ao14636566i2m5f6 3m6373654 34 7f fm km543b2 6641 7235 5f7275p34c 63 d75i 6 l325c1b a5b5 l 64 k675 j51 6p4e66pc556l 5j244p21dg4a3236g633 kcg6h7355 2dn5c5nd5576d3d 36o c j 67c54l2671 3p3 j76n7a7 4o 3 4 6g 43h anbo4 7 64253 556 6b756747io bidl e3676 4f 6e6fn4 e72n4 535 ig 646 226 n5
"Come back here."
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She runs a hand over the sheet where I had been lying.
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"Only for a minute, because I can't resist you and we have to shower and eat something."
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Nwanyieze smiles. "You have 58 seconds now."
3d8 lm4c a7n p 2ajd48514 653 4k4df 3 i3 5 k e o45 4436b2 8 16 ej7 6oh4 6o3 8n362g42e 7 5i 5l2 54i p 66g k36k7j6f mf75ihj65a4o 6k24 737n32lf2 7mcc 3jk5n3 5 h7554246g8 p 3 1d p 33h 5b 8bah 3g2g6 1mcn35 74 33fp4ba4 f4364b24 g5d361m i 24715o 533 25o 565 h5l i5 25hl7 1 26 e2255 35i46g 6 l6f767 m 54 374c2634e5n6jp34 5 1
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I chuckle and join her in bed, where she instantly wraps herself around me and sighs. "You feel so good."
444334 46a13 4m a3l4pf52hk 5e7b457b5 4l2d2571 35l5p p 34l1i5 m2 i52n5g4j15i6 id 63gfg375357h5313 2 366 3gmknb57f 5 2m353a554 6o235e6e 3 h65gc34 4 b6144h6 o k554 kap38 7nd63 6n 7 n62364 fh37ceo 4f422j 3gh l32 c 5 8 2d1nk574pem578d 6jf35h66i 1 54j4 2i262m 6 lkb o 2ga66 8 628 jo4677p8o 45 4j5 cc i7334f7 6
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46 6n4hae7m m5 6p 36622o64636o 65 6j 441mp5666k65 2753 45kk555n 2 3 e5l cf7 6i d45nc l 7 6o35 4gdk36 47i 4of62446e135be c3b55 4734 bjn 5a 4m63b5po16 g 5 lda 7 6kbk 554bj15 45 4 3da 665a6hee6hod2 3h66656a c46m lp416 64265 5 7c73l35 6637 54 44 in p3 l7c3 n73e6j5 3g5f 6 im3623 674614 3 h 24j4472kf 2f5jc7a5pf55 371l62 37772h3g 2 p44b 47445 75 i 6gg 754 223 343 mdjid5 5 h2o6g26 i367n376 6f 5
"It only gets better."
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She scoffs, but I can hear the smile in her voice.
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3n 5g 6jj37g 2 b 6im6 7 6 323m5om74o641416ech5ojn 74f ki7oid65p 3a p75g6mk63agph 66k6 a3ie3f j 765 4 l6kc5 536l425c a hn 565j6 c5 3 762e744 4p5 6 66756k 65d7od6467acnh2 5e 5mf56m2 fm 5hl b1e5 44 fdj16l3h522gi3424 k6j543455 pi 55k4 57l4 5 1g 3b543154o24 44454 a64 6d473 7 6le2 34 4 c e6 6645 1 6732nbf32 56ng7677633l 3333 37b45 652o46663b64647p6ic75 2f 5 75642hdb pn 5 d5374a2 33662
"You really haven’t heard the best of me yet."
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"Jeez, you're so cheesy," we both say at the same time before bursting into a fit of laughter.
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It is half an hour before I finally get out of bed to take a bath. The day is hot now, all traces of the cold morning are gone. Nwanyieze urges me to use the bathroom first, because she wants more time on the bed. I suppose she just wants to lie there and look at the clear blue sky through the window, as she usually did in my room back in Lagos. It is one of her habits, staring up at the sky and thinking thoughts that she claims are ‘nothing’ whenever I ask her.
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My stomach begins to growl while I brush my teeth, and the thought of Daa Ndidi’s ofe Owerre makes me grin. I hurry into the shower, letting the cold water run down from my head to feet. It feels refreshing in this heat. Thankfully, Nwanyieze has placed all I need in convenient places. While the cold water runs from my head to my toes, I smile at the memory of how excited I used to feel whenever my mother allowed me to use the shower instead of a bucket and a bowl. I would stand under the cold water for a long time, laughing, until she would yell my name from the kitchen or come in and turn off the water by herself.
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Two arms circle my torso and wrap themselves around my rib cage. I feel bare skin on mine, soft and warm.
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"Was I taking too long?" I ask.
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"Shower's big enough for two, and this will save time."
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I’m mildly surprised, but I’m smiling, too.
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Nwanyieze stands before me, wearing only a light blue plastic shower cap, droplets of water, and a smile on her face.
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"Don't just stand there," she chides. "Won't you lather me?"
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I sputter, reflexively suck in a huge breath, and choke on water instead. She laughs and shakes her head. "Maybe I'm spoiling you."
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"I'm the one who's probably spoiling you," I reply, covering the little distance between us. It feels so delicious, being in this little space with her.
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We savour the time, content to lather each other's bodies while laughing about Instagram Odunlade Adekola memes.
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"Water tastes better on your skin," I tell her before sucking a few droplets off her shoulder. The idea of shower sex goes through my mind, and I feel myself harden. I curse myself for making such a move. I didn't want to think of anything sexual but excuse me, there is a naked girl in the shower with me, a girl I need so badly in every way possible- physically, mentally, emotionally.
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Nwanyieze replies by retaliating, using the tip of her tongue to collect a few droplets from my chest, her eyes holding mine.
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Backing her up against the wall, bodies pressing against each other, she lets me kiss her slowly, my hands kneading her skin. When my tongue enters her mouth, I feel her shiver and hear her moan. Her finger nails dig into my back, and somehow, the slight pain brings its own sort of pleasure.
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Don't lose it. Keep calm.
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But it is difficult. I can't do anything unless she wants to; I'm walking on thin ice here. We are naked, obviously sexually excited and attracted to each other, but she doesn’t seem ready. Sex is a necessity, and I’m sure that one day it will happen between us. But when it will happen, I do not know. I simply won’t push it. And with what happened to her years ago...
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I slowly withdraw, and we stare at each other after the kiss. The little depressions her nails had left on my back sting under the stream of water. Her lips are pinker, a bit swollen and still enticing. Her shower cap has slid off, lying close to the drain and leaving her hair wet. My erection stands right there between us, stubbornly pointing towards her.
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"Lunch," is all I manage before stepping out from the shower, grabbing my towel, and leaving the bathroom, my thoughts scattered.
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She comes into the room after I'm fully dressed, clutching her big blue towel to herself. One look at her eyes and I know that something is not alright with her. I see fear and guilt.
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"Maduka, I'm sorry."
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"Why?" I drop my paperback, Chimamanda Adichie's Americanah. My brain is now working normally, all my body parts are behaving properly.
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"I let you- I mean, I got you all excited and I couldn't do anything. It was like- it was like-"
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She looks so utterly confused, refusing to meet my eyes and stumbling over her words.
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"I am not entitled to having sex with you. We both enjoyed what happened in the bathroom, and it would be a terrible thing if we take the next step and one of us doesn’t enjoy it."
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“Oh,” she says quietly. I get up from the bed, walk up to her, and take her hand. Brows drawn together, Nwayieze tries her best to look at my face. There are tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. I can tell that she spent some time in the bathroom, thinking about this.
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"I told you, we could go at whatever pace you want. As much as I'd love to make love to you, I won't ever do anything without your consent. Or your cooperation.”
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“So, you don’t think I led you on back there?”
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I laugh. "You do things to my body and my mind, sometimes all I can think of is undressing you- different speeds, of course, depending on the mood- and making love to you. Nwanyieze, I wanted it, too. I liked it. Remember last night?”
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She nods slowly, lowering her gaze. But a small, shy smile creeps up on her face. “But you didn’t- “
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“Don’t think too much about it. We’ll be fine.” The previous night, my satisfaction had been based solely on her pleasure. And when she came apart in my arms, holding on to me and whispering my name, I had smiled so hard my cheeks felt like they would burst. Of course, my body wasn’t too happy with my decision…
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While she applies some lotion, I ask her a question that has been on my mind for a while. “Is there something that’s bothering you? Aside from what we’ve discussed?”
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Nwanyieze stops her motion and turns to look at me, her brows raised. “No, why?”
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“Sometimes, it’s like something’s off with you. You zone out, you have this look on your face that disappears when you notice me watching you.”
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She shrugs. “At different points, something bothers all of us, Maduka.”
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“It feels like you’re trying to tell me something, and at the same time, you’re fighting it.”
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ho f 3715 23l7j64j1 5 4 4 e 2p4746 6f4l46357n6 d53ei773ceg73ph23g53akb37e3d6k4n 2 6 im 54 5h 57o65d26 555 3o45bg766a 74 75c 56mndl46 3 64 5c5c6p 2567 6e66d2 4665b o62 32j33f6f4 7i 3213 6i6k46 oim4 j5n 37l oa64j b2d6kh 446 ha5k6 p 2 656655cl637n 47 4b34 3 6 55k g52a3hd4enm4j3 56an 6m44 37m 57b6 451 p3754 i3p7 3e 1176gfj 4 5 gg46o6l352b 6 lk 6i p5 5 54f5 a761 2 422 543 cc3f62 6665 4mh457
“I don’t understand.”
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“Maybe I’m wrong.”
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“Maybe,” she says softly, turning her attention back to her lotion, a clear sign that she won’t discuss this further.
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56a 6 55 6j145l42 6l456542 fg 6477h356336df6g6g43 b 5mh5 c4hob2 45n565oj267m6mj57f4h2 2 keb4642oc 3 54g466 c5 6 323243653531 74k 376 o34 27 7j3554 7l3c5 a 6736fa356c d2 4 12 66537516am7 dk7l3 42ej617 5 7e4 mi 6hkm k76 ag6k 6i pj255 i4f4e455 5 b 673d455466c 7n3532 6o4fp n65 d7b6333 ec414ii g36p3n24n5 kl3h4g i547 h4357b 371524 n5f745 p666pmao ejl6p 764 a5 6 6nd d o p l 6 4 6 6 i3e 2b 6
I decide to check on my aunt in the kitchen, while also giving Nwanyieze the space to herself. But before I leave the room, I peck her cheek and tell her to get dressed in preparation for lunch.
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4k6 335i62k4ddlofk43 1 7 25663535636glp5 45 25 7 4p4 b35f5 p465bg563jao k6 6l446 36j 6 6e c36 7 5m l4e 625 7j a6 4in c3o l2bi452367d7 55 nof54 5743o26 6jm4e 6647 p35 o 15 h4k 4e 2e 6i c3fm437 466o612 1 6pb5h 7 ei6 6 5737f33n36l75c5jnec154k6 56b5c54636 cj b ag6ka p534 2 2764746md 764257m n4653fb3 744446l 6 5 7 ah43 h5n77 6574 5 i6dmm 6633g 27 h6g 52g3 f dhj 15i 6n 2 p654 2 ad 31h257a 3 24g 4 5
II- Nwanyieze:
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c6h2n 4h46465 b6b44 3 747j6hn 5623645 m4f7 g6i3ji64 h7p5oe a 7l46peoa5n7366 4k 1i27 kb2456d6 4665dg 3 ig65 54 m6 mf 3 n 63 b7 o5 542d27g5 p63655 k525p2 m6c4cn 4 354lf5j1f636 k 36bp6e5eb6 j35p dfk62 1 5l 746b6e3173 jk4d a463g5d4 c 534k26c 2 6ig1 5c6355 d1 o 43f 6i 63jh24l2p 4 6 5 3777e7 f 63733 g36 4o37i224 6 nh4j 5 6l1o77742 5a 57aa6 454n5h 4m m 5e 65526om5 a336 57lc337647l 562 4 46553
He knows I'm keeping something from him.
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66o6f554 pf5e745 k c2f d f 5c564 4 j 63 45c 55lle 56 7f4 5 6ge37 okp33 2 m1d 6 5 4a 6 h366i56 73j 63g656n4a32746pk436 5b56i m572d l46djjko 5b 2 5hl6a b431 5456 mp4hh 42a e 5 56457 43236 5m36k4i62 o36p2 6hec4 67 pa b467 7 6672l3632b 4h7 554 c7 g7a3o7 6g53 3245l6 5na n723 12 44nj6b3266 f5 5 c6 4463e1e k5247j 3nf456o33lp1 2g3di 7 6447d7135n 4 n6 6i3 413cm gd7675oihg km 665 6 275m4i b375j4 465
I'm trying so hard to stop the thoughts of being in the shower with him. Jolts of excitement still go through me, the memory of his tongue in my mouth makes my legs turn to jelly and I sit on the bed, still wrapped in my towel.
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Sex, something I had been introduced to as a teenager and collected money for, something that I'm quite good at with men, had almost occurred between me and Maduka. You'd think I'd have known what to do in the bathroom.
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But I had withdrawn, and he had sensed it.
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Such a small act, and he sensed it.
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His words ring in my ears.  …and it would be a terrible thing if we take the next step and one of us doesn’t enjoy it.
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I am in big trouble. I am falling deeper in love, and the imaginary guillotine hangs over my neck, ready to fall at any moment. It feels like I am wasting his time, letting Maduka shower me with all this love and respect when I clearly don’t deserve it.
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It feels like you’re trying to tell me something, and at the same time, you’re fighting it.
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I know what he means. Even without knowing the implications, Maduka is asking for my secrets, the knowledge of my deepest, darkest fears. He wants to know what it is that I'm hiding, guarding.
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And Saheed knows.
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Saheed Bello crosses my mind and I wonder if he has finally forgotten me. Somehow, I sense that he is still there in the darkness, waiting for the right time.
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The right time for what, really? Blackmailing me?
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Saheed has shown me that rejection isn't something he accepts so easily. His absence makes me feel uncomfortable, because he had said that I would come crawling to him.
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I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Here I am, a former prostitute, falling deeper in love with a man that I'm scared to love because I know that the powers that be will work against our happiness- my happiness.
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And I can't leave, not only because this man won't easily give up on me, but because it feels so good to be love him and be loved, and I don't want to think of what will happen if he ever finds out the truth about me.
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The bed vibrates, jarring me out of my thoughts. Looking under one of the pillows, I locate Maduka's cell phone. It's Tasha, calling him. I can't answer it, but I'm unable to ignore the slight annoyance that Tasha, this girl I've never met, this girl with whom he has ended things, is still contacting Maduka.
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I'll dress up quickly and find him.
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The call ends, and while I'm putting on my long, floral dress, the phone vibrates again. Thinking it is another call, I pick it up and nearly drop it.
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It's a message from Tasha: Mads, I'm pregnant.
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