Preordained
PabPub — Phoenix Award Books Publications

Phoenix Award Books Publications

PabPub

CHAPTER 34 | Preordained - Ada Eze
Preordained

Preordained

CHAPTER 34



Maduka:
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A savage jab wakes me up abruptly. Pain blooms in my chest and I roll off the bed, disoriented in the darkness. Reaching out for the switch beside my bed, I partially illuminate the room in two seconds max.
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What I see nearly breaks my heart.
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Nwanyieze is furiously kicking no one. Her eyes are still closed. She murmurs an angry "No" and kicks out again and again, before curling herself back into a ball and saying, "Please" in a small voice. The sheets are bunched up at the lower corners of the bed. I notice that the shirt clings to her back, glued by sweat and the hem has hiked up, revealing black cotton panties. My shoelace, the one she had used to secure her puff, is nowhere to be found.
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She is reliving those horrible moments with her adoptive father.
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Slowly, I move back onto the bed and hold her close with my good arm. She struggles against me, murmuring "No". She is so tense, her muscles so stiff that they vibrate.
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4 p 613i747lkf427m7e b3m4k555p66 gb64 74c 56 6n 2 a 267o 26652a237 646355jifh643pka2 654oi1 n75c h3 j4 3 h334 3mi4m36 53p5 775n61l6 m6 2 o 5415 7a7 544b1k 6c 3444766 b7 5a6e 46c 75 36 o 4n3c3g b5lao53565o f3l6h 67165c6l 47442 566 5g725e 76 325g4e4 d 2533 6d5 3n4df5m2im6 66 k5f4i6f 7edc6 46a2 23jd32 4dk354hnjhe5626 g2l66 4j43157b37g3 6f5dh75i5kl74 3 n 5j 6565j464 5 p 66 4e 3p b opg
"Nwanyieze, it's just a bad dream," I whisper into her ear. "Wake up."
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"Don't take them off. You're hurting me. I hate you."
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"Wake up, baby girl. Wake up. It's Maduka."
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"Maduka," she sighs before slowly relaxing, her shoulders lowering as her body goes limp.
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"I'm here. I'll always be here," I promise.
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2366f63o f 4n 3 5546ii3e 6igbm35 c1642 2 g m4 52m45 7p 7 jco 6h362h2 6kg3b346 ak6 h53e42m452dj 3h3h2n 6 442 e7 5 n3eh5 535 5 173ka 616744c462 3 l6 6a563 a p a75426 46 nm635 44co 65 7 43k4 55c dkj5666 66 o5637 kg66655j 7g5p4m54 cpd6i5lo6 i6546j 5267 b 343b n6b fl2l 715 57i 77cd2o24ed3n447536 g7 54 k5nffa6655pjo634d54e f3 fim1b4 6l1l j 2 6hb 4733676l 64 gpd 4 e4612 374p 3 73a5 754675 5 75 7
"Always?"
a7 31 bg787j345 eg8fj5g432nc jc742l 24i2a4e5563 54 ef2l4633664 724 7861akf6ah5h 5i 536o386ckf 4m747253 5 o b5 2og e b313 2 43 4c2 m6355538n58 36g455fi53ip2 6 k612 m34i6 np546 h5 75 4p54p36 41 36 h5 6 47cf3o po4m 3ld m4d5456 474f a2b7 ni7323 m 7hh 5lo 2 36dg2k1pn7j 4h3l i5136 l 256bnj j6 61d e5625g43k kd
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6 2if36 k5h b6 27g3o 56 f536 3 i 3 553466 n 4 273gap 543m 2 7 p f 4d 6c 51 inblni5 k6753 d3 3e75jla m6a jj 626353kl72o4234gp465 2k6 p2o577dadah 5556 l76 56 h c3hkf5 52665eo14564b53c5365j l65jb 73f 3 4466774on e6 4 ep41fen3 36oi 3h2 mi7g7b7m4 7j61p47k 6a5n6 2643 6 6 4 4 33 5 5 66m64e6 6c455f6d4 4625m6 bmoh 2 g6c47 g5346 75b 34545456p5jc 1c5k2433666 h64lld 1 4747 4 47 7 26d543ang i124e 25 7
"Always."
3i65 85 k h4f56 c b2 cp 52ec6 56 642471fgn 854 h338d 41 nk3 4265 3n6kn4 fl3 6 4 5a6536h2c6o j526a31 5ige3o4 5 235api67 6o2j365 4633mg57555om1p26 4jg667e5 5 flb4 4 i2314o 5lbof3 32a4 g214g8df 34aj 264 ip45b3 58d6 3i l6n72h 53 h 4l3b7 33gc67 17 4j4 5323d 773k2 55 4m 25 74f6pe h42 475j 31m47hp57e kl kdi8mmn7
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464b51fp k6 e3 6k564666 2m7 6335 27 i4 66 6624ph 7327cneo3hn4c nofm57 56 4 k755l p4 d77b53 374 j5 e52h 6 3524 3g ld66745 c3j 2g576ma53555 63 5o5 ph 3465 e5 m315 667ja45362g2 7hc7 744 a 33c e1 4 n 6f cb o 533 jf5 a6 e 466 h433k745b26 l di d6 l3j74145267i463445np6g 23 5 22 md4b2ia6 14eo4ik4o6 l553h a 6466 24i56464 66d 5n5f3744o2164 f6 jc756 il5b67d 757k m25k51 735 6 6gba 436fggn3m6jlp3p
"Are you sure?"
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4c635 5e654 og 4j563 533277615 ca4hik h6 c26 76 jd5 2a a76d 422 5 5o146 f3m45 n36b3342 2en 63gbca33m76 o46l53 6646j74773d6 eo46 4 5544pf 5 mdj455a35363o1764643 h5d 6656p4l ln i6 2me6l c 5 ii7n2n3kf 54 f61nk64427h7642la 75 n4373 43 7i3676 h54d 642 bf g 6p c b cjk46 236 l6 72p g31 m 5163566l 5 4dhb o2i35 6 44k76p3ih45545e57 6m5 7bp75 jg5m6b7eg2 1fo 372 56 e4g524 p33jfa5 5 456 6k76k65
"Yes."
6 m5p g44 11na l64 k 4 f k j 2icpafh6 mg4 55 66 l15 l57 j526 6 2ja f14666i1k 7 6345c4 nkh8p hb3e5 e53f336 m5g d53 5on244 47c5 p4 n3 757ap2n4242h7 4ge256c53od37743775635o 2i 48l n 2 g64867oh485 65b5e345ih53241 328ob2b2273 p63b5oj333a e 4 268m663 i7h423 7 3764d63k3 l445f6 53g55fk143 ldmdg1 fic m523 j5ji
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165 55 67374 5 4366 612 54c545jm 7p e5556fj 3436n3nll56l7k376j3 5l4 6fmg47 25 e5 7564p i67kh67i 6gie n 6 b4i341j 5 3n62713 g2 27 b655p7 f5k567 h6moo 653bop5coa3eg56 b5 4 253245 7a 4 6o4 2524563d6344 35a 613p61 h6k 3737 4ickdhn 66fn54ak76 c57h c54c644446d4 l254p664656 a2fo 3deml65hl247b34 7h m46ec34pg d jg6m3a26ag 4 em7 26d 43 j7bf5333i6 5n7j3 256k 4154od3f5b 647i 3 26626 2 6
She immediately falls back into a deep sleep, and I doubt she will remember ever speaking to me. I get up and turn on the air conditioner. By the time I return to the bed, she is right in the centre of it and I don't want to disturb her. After spreading a spare mattress on the floor and removing a pillow from the bed, I settle there for the night.
l644a53p a74m2 b3o 4 dl62j2l6132 h5 i8m6ph54 2547 d623kl4484kjpn1f4 4675 143535 l2 7 4 h3eg 525m 247dhf i13 44gc55652 o475 5h83 33j347352 je51642n4d lmm47632n fi3 44jiiea4863p ba6 2562g6533b fmkck6 e 7g f3f 43ng 613o5 67i5 5 355h ni2p5 h 84c763g7 571b 35 j 23 4 6a67 b5 856 56 6 f 7dp315k keo3g c2c o6on6
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4b4i67 64 646676 522f a 6462 4f7 ce4 4256 6f c6652366d4a43 l2 6l 6o d63f p n6e3 j d3k56ckm37473541 457346 h 4im c5h4 6m6 454 33m2 73jf 4b1i h 26i54l4 e36jo 3a6 3oh6575 pi g oj4 pn 5p n6 14hj7 4 l56622m 612372 eo 6i656 n747 k53b 4d5 757dap4o6 6 e 6p7536n6172c c75523 a 743d5533 445fm7d 13g55 j224nk3hag34466 647 5 35bo3345m6pb5513555 g4 lb 5 ej275kn53b6l5 l ag kc 2g6566 6 ik73ge hf 657 57
Sleep eludes me, and is replaced by memories. When it eventually comes, it is fitful and sparse. Day breaks almost too soon and I lie on my belly, watching Nwanyieze sleep. She has rolled over to the edge, towards where I lie and is also on her belly. Her hand is off the edge and on the floor, a few inches from mine.
52l 5 55m5 5 23pgp56l4k57 o3 4h72o5 mf43 b2k1 242847 nbeg 3m dc4m2 5 374n53 3d33n864 7 26p 35hge43 i 563b6nhf51jked6l 43d 4o4fg46 i 73pf e45 78 j72ak 214 36m 3 32 e841oh7 2hmhfog55c5l4f i424 6j55i3c 624543 lg5f643ha673i666j kojib3 cj l3 d 56 a 4 66725 143 7 5 5 a 2846 b8ppc 233a6g56n126 3 6 477 51n4576i 15k
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an446 f6 b331 2465n6675 4inca4 47 bf6g47cd5o 253k 62n3k237 46o34d 76 d 54366h2e536 3 i6 c342i53 2g6343g 2 5lpe ab565516 664 i64j64 ac 5 47 4f7 m2pm4fd657 3 736m 5354 64 pp666 l e61 464je7op 2j3 64 2o625a 4 63eb 23 54ip46 7f2 l 3 ln761ge 556527 4g 35j6k kbj 6 o m1 4 75 647apa3h671637h45n j2 m 6lgh 5 7k 36l5651 d 67 7 55k47b5nk5d32 mod33 56 557 34c2fbj45ii3 o5c5 6h3566h46c7 h 55e54 g l7m4f
Still fast asleep, her hair standing up in dark tufts, lips parted, and her skin illuminated by a slice of the morning sunshine, she is a beautiful sight. I lie still, watching, taking in the details, not wanting to move for fear that even the disturbance of the dust motes in the air between us will awaken her.
i377 54713127 4pnmil 5556 e5 5 o5ca23o6f66687 k2 4 l4f 375157 n5e4 f j 234gn 3a656h243 3 i1 m634khe k361nj645k4 j 3 7hg8 5 4h555 mo55b 3 3f52a3d3 56 o 66 4 bl m ob4 g c12kl53 2ngi6 h 31el g 8 4 77j2 b5 47 53k 4n3h 46 cd52i a 464i3fl38d 3 6e 4 5j4f3gh 57g16pi4 8 62cd2m34o 4253a5cm 4 8 7376 p222f3b 267p4d54p6p5662j
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f644 32h 5 j2o7k6j 4 p64phd5p5lm6 6n a4656534 2mb h3564 5e66 5624754 765524mgpm6 64 j k6ce5i3o65g5jl7 65 g3 nch 7o6 4h6i5 67nn 724f 1 2 3 i6433m73247346i cl4 7 13a 46p 5 k6n25b2523g6c d5c51e 5 3 l e7jc1 3 426n7i f55 6 26i5 j4 e kb2 761ap65g35 d36e63p4464 4k26fl1l354e53 4o6b 456767436 d37 47i36 65373 l6j 4hab5415 g2h7 6 4onka 7m o35c d7 f35 45g5 f66o643556d264b3a7fdb 64 m33 527ka 7
I remember watching her sleep the next few months after Sister Benedicta had placed us in the orphanage, standing over her cot and just staring, because she was a miracle, and she had fascinated me, and I couldn't understand how she failed to fascinate her parents. Coming from a loving family, the concept of babies without parents was a new thing to me.
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3 2c553b72433m15be6e5e36 iiim256a p4 475l67o oi3l7 761 3 5 c 56m446656 5bgg35ld4 3o 4 5 6a e246mfeh 5jda6 koo3c54 66 76 j722 6 3p6465h5n 6 7 6646ng 23jngj4 5 bf62435534 g b4f 341 k72 6 6722g46 63iha7 5 4g757744p6d 66261 6p 51f6k3 565h64 57j45 4c jmh4 36 6756fl 3f567n b34b 3 l247 2725a3n2no57 ck k6 4735 3 715 625 h3 3 i44 j56p m3 l7a46ef h26 4d566k 43d 465 dmcda55p4k4l enp176i 5 o335c4
She had led me to a new family, had paved the way for me to become who I am today. It feels like I must set things straight not just for myself but for her, too. For me to tell her everything about myself and our first meeting, I must first take a bold step towards reconnecting with my past.
4in1f1i 35 28 mbljj85e kbm5j6k8433 g 65k7413po36 3 27 ii66jh 14cg53624754hc 31c4 26 p 52ne7 l 5h2 27 p438gpodn 6m kab4p676e f5j 3m24 p1 6f457g 3g lm4545356 h 4deg54 6f3f1b5ii 44h 36 h3e5h2 k6 6 36 6o42a5b2l3n52l76 65 67a3 5 5 2 o37a23gl4 nn 22o3f73437 4c 353 685 4 3d c582 55o i424d3765mj7a 556f45 d417k4
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Her eyelids move, then they rise. She blinks a few times and squints in the light before focusing on me.
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"Good morning," I greet her. I want nothing more than to wake up beside her every day. I want those lovely eyes to look at me first before anything else in the light of each sunrise.
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Nwanyieze smiles and croaks a good morning, then sits up and rubs her eyes. After a few seconds of stretching, she realises that the hem of my shirt is high up at her waist, which means that her thighs and a part of her rounded bum are exposed. I notice some stretch marks, beautiful as the stripes on a tigeress, lighter than the chocolate of her skin. I had wanted to remark on them that day at the beach with Somto's children, but I'd thought against it. She doesn’t try to cover them up, but her expression tells me that she is a bit embarrassed.
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"Your stretchmarks shouldn’t make you shy."
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She sits still as I move towards the bed, her hands still now on the hem of the shirt. She seems to have no idea how irresistible she is, sitting underneath the rays of sunlight in my shirt and giving me an amused smile, hair uncombed, skin glowing. I file this picture away in one part of my mind where memories with her will always remain.
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"What are you doing?" She questions with a laugh even as I kiss her leg. But her toes curl, her head tilts back a bit, and she makes a small sound that sounds like the most sensual music to my ears.
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"Adoring you."
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4 jm454jl6d 5325763h6f464 p63a6553 6565 5i17c 64k662dik4362 65642f 4ob5g5346 75 77 n53eod 44 7 3 ik5g6514p2 f336663 66 mcj 63jm5mfa7b2l 21 3 p4 62452 5 k741i5754cd56o 26a427 5j 5 3443g koan 43hd5 631chg462673 66g65n2 g 3p6j6fc7 5p 5fe63 e27a 5 6 7676o7 47b6e33 m 2 5h 4 h6e 34m36 f 4paca b334 c714i74j 4b e e36b 45b 61244p lk55k6hi36 57od 3 53 645m5n5 7n725l65 5 d4 6ihol ln7l 42g6n7
"Maduka-"
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"I won't do what you don't want me to do." A flick of my tongue on the back of her knee, a gasp from her. "Did you like that?"
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She nods, lower lip between her teeth. My baby girl is quite the kitten, and this part of her is not seen often. Wanting more, I flip her over, and she looks at me over her shoulder, puzzled. The stretch marks are in full view.
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"You wanted to hide these stretchmarks. Don’t you know they’re a natural phenomenon?"
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"I've always been shy about them," she confesses. "At the beach with the children... I temporarily forgot. I was caught up in all the excitement."
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"I love everything about you.  There is no other Nwanyieze like you."
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4 l 4 67 76b7m5k 16b1j 6 3 7616c46 7f3353644566l 433 h 56cf 74634 7 56j63 3 3 l k j5i656jnd27 p 241i 3c524hfa62f 55 5ma 5 b4og 2 5264 7nd7 5 g746eg74k2 d5 5a njm6l2 di34566 ac3m5 ln47g7k5c5 i64o5 3i33b1n6666643 66362p15bckf6m 2 56 56 o 5a4 o 71 nml454pa4h3jh72 o6 f6564e67n g 6f74 2 6 2gk36a 4do ge5h k6475i4 3o5 e 26e6e7dc5 b6 b453h567 73 53p6 p5 4i 24 5 52 4 5 5p34 73j 543232 m 344l76h4e3d p
"Only you would say that."
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17c 3c2 5c 5764 7 62o2 6 b 6ni63 764d 6 6 75n5667 67561k5 5g p34h64o76a pa ibc65 4b e562667lla16l46mi264d467oj46 a 6i e6 l4455ln 35hon5d 3 l 2522g 7 763 f566 46d7b5 3c33m3h7p5 637f m4p3 gb ek2ok j 33 p473m kfcf b5132nee3g 6i c43262573jg 34247433 3534o46 6k 5 454k54 7k a655 253 m 1ee14jhdp1 5 p 4h46b5n6 4jf4oh557ii6 64hf4m57g2 342l4j n 4376 6a662 6 3 6 55j5 3 574dd a6g655m54f 423 675 5
"Maybe because there is no other Maduka like me," I chuckle.
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om3 4fc4 2l 4 k47h3 k 4 6j15dne i6 7h242336 7c 7gg3 62 3566b 5 da5pogo5lp n 3 6g675p5 537 437 aei117mkf4 2 nm 66 57 5 4 42id7a 7 66h 6 246 5366e3l53cp5m34j6 53 6 46j23i 5361g 6fa 3 46h45273gp45437k5a7 d 627 e p 63 p54dh 63 5 g766 57 2466i 342kj565cei671ldok657a4f bbb6l54637m55732l6bhn464n3 2o 4 1366456 56c 76734 ibn54o1ee555fj5f6j72 4 l 5435a526db 45mf32jo25466k6n cm 463464c54 h
"He's about to be cheesy again," she jokes.
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46a6 4 p3 f6 635g c77 6f45 o4 36562c mh 2 4h54kln46 ig7nn 54 i 3 lo 5dp 61366i6d6b2 d 42p7636n57e15m 25 65ji66jf 64p 4 753 jko64 7g363bo 3l 7c3 i4 4jl n 1672fd645k4 jji k52 5b66 6e57 454h14m772 4 k441 3o5a5533h5m m56 1 a3o 27d66353 24g hk6 el4 d d5c6 3pe 7 a5 4ba654be3a 6 3 2 25i 55 75466 25 c1546fh62 o 637366726g5g6h2b 5mn44353 33a27c4 54m55c7 j34e7p63 34542f7l g66b 7 47l63 7p f n55 6 e 6 k
Lowering my head, I kiss the sides of her cheeks, where the stretch marks lie. A tigress, that's what she is. Fierce and passionate, beautifully marked with what she thinks are flaws.
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46 l 63c646jp2c 62d6 5f2g7aid jp5 463 g 2 4 7l6 b 5 4gf5666ene24 4a2 3h 7f7h2mi 6a7p474 1 1 nkn6l56 d1o775 6j7o46 6 7346a2 4j3163 6f2 43j5 o5e4 34mmb 64563m67 53d34 d2b hk45 74 254 2m46 6 1 2 6i5b5 3 56 k 4l7 3 55k p433i3 3 56lg 4k6i3bc24n44737 65nfagc53c37 56fk 231 a3 54564566j 54o5462763nh 51 kl57c5i566p34746 6gij77 b3g 76335b56o6l64m 555h 67fah5oe3453 ec2676npd5642edep m5o 5h
"I'd have farted, if I had the chance," Nwanyieze tells me.
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"You just like to ruin moments." I give a short hiss, followed by a laugh.
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"That's what I live for." She turns onto her back and pulls me down, onto herself, hands on both sides of my face. That sad look is back again, and the feeling that something isn't right creeps back into my heart.
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5j 23 d 3 74kbb d7lm 156o 3 c1 o45d43 gb25hk5m 1j 5d347a e4 2 3k 53 f5 3446 nf675k5 23oh2a d5j6c436l6a5e 2666j2m3 66 g2 i466 17c65 c 67eh3n6 pho56 6674 7me 54g66kc5 4 b54b233m7 3446 n 614 65g326j2n4 646766 o d46a l p4o3642433414 g6j l54no7im 7hi537555576444ba544p72p5c pp 56 7 6 4 2ni3 26 nlg 7k 4 7p a 5 5355m1 c 7 h626dh4 74 5a2 36 egfk7 f35e 453 ef 565l 553 7624 3ib653l6 7f 3 i7j66f 56i663
It's not easy. Living without you.
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Those words hadn’t sounded optimistic last night. Or was it my doubts, playing games with me? Or had she been too exhausted to properly string her words together? Because I don't want to think of anything pessimistic about us, I open my mouth and tell her what I have thought about, what I have stayed up all night turning over in my mind.
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"I'm going home, Nwanyieze. I'm going to my ancestral home."
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***
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The road is a bit bumpy, a ribbon of red sand dotted with watery potholes and flanked on both sides by little houses, which use bushes and trees as boundaries.
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My village has changed since my childhood: there are more houses than before, more cars on the red road, and more shops on the landscape. I see the path to the stream I had played in as a child, and I find myself smiling at the memories.
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I remember running naked with my mother's angry voice fading behind me, running to the stream and splashing in the water only to have her come a few minutes later and drag me out by my ear for being disobedient.
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Beside me, Nwanyieze is silent, taking in the surroundings. Her hand rests on my thigh, offering courage, but I can tell she is also anxious. I briefly glance at her and it feels like my chest is swelling, swelling with gratitude that I have her in my life.
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Her face is turned towards the window beside her. Her hair has been made into neat cornrows with some synthetic extensions, the ends flowing down her back. One spaghetti strap of her black top hangs off her shoulder, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Hope sparks in my heart, that things will be straightened out and I can finally tell her the story of how we first met.
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"It's so serene," she finally speaks. "I can imagine you growing up here."
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"It was a no-hassle life. I climbed trees, swam in the stream, listened to tales by moonlight. But my father ensured I went to school. He took me to school every day on his motorcycle."
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My chest constricts at the memory of holding tight onto my father's torso during those rides. I had insisted on sitting behind and not in front, because I was a big boy, and some of my classmates had teased me for sitting "like a girl" on the motorcycle. Nwanyieze senses my distress and rubs my thigh.
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hje6442 26 4l4 5c o4epc 7g3f 3756 76 6 5 73 h6m 733 4o54nnc5 e243fb 1p6hol533 44 2o4 55 i5ph4357e 63m1 b637e5kf216a5 gk2336ai7ih6m5o44 n 46 536 i72b gjfa32j3 6j32b45 n 642 4ac 54b pn455 1g 644 e g6gn 6 id23 564j54a 66755 3g7d634 k 47j d5f355pk6 d6ch6l5357 i763 l556 npk 4652 c47 16m3 435f 25 6 4m66572374 e6 7b 365li664764 2olm754d1 2 l fa57k56b66646hd5 p 7 36 4 57 7 1a6 jk5d 232 6mo3 66c
"Take deep breaths, Madi."
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I park the car close to the bushes and nod. It feels like I'm falling into a deep hole, or walking into a dark cave without the knowledge of what is inside. A small voice in my head tells me to reverse, take a U-turn, and drive away from this village, take Nwanyieze away from here because I don't want to take any chances. But am I sure, really? Am I sure about what happened way back, to my parents?
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Once again, I feel grateful that she had insisted on coming with me. After I'd made the announcement to her, I'd began making plans. Flight tickets, car arrangements, accommodation. It had taken me three days, during which I had taken off my cast. The night before my departure, Nwanyieze had showed up at my door with a bag.
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"Did you think I would let you go alone?" She'd asked, amused.
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I didn't want her to come, because I was scared for her.
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"Don't you have school?"
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"I just finished my exams."
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2 63j 66 521 61 5 b6l2g 4 633547525o6 b 5 2j4j 3gj4 il ob23 e 6l3f2an 3737d75pcnp5o5 65lic64a644443g 7mfb a 2 564fh 4 635hehf54 26 ed5h 65m dl4 b 3 2474 p3didk764e56i3jk564355773 6 2k54pa6 566e 54f4n6mo 47f m7ch d gl45o3663n66n g6 6c 54h 5b 653 67 g c anip p m e 73 6g75 744f53471e76l4 m55 2455 6 1k6357i oo 4536m23c 7766a442 h 5232 j bk2 361 j765616 6 36443na k6456 7i c2d75k31 3 744 65p653
"It won't be interesting."
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But she had already dropped her bag on the couch, was already pulling me into her arms and rubbing her lips against mine. And her eyes had that look in them, the one that told me that she was not going to change her mind.
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64na5 5 5fk 66 5j64d6b265 52g 6i365 3e 13 5 o3c6 5m76322 36d5m 56 5a7b76g566ih 7o5 j123g4ajl5 43 2 e1 dod 4 552 c 3j7 l5n12n53oib 46444 5g2 h6mf667m 67f334343i 464hm67kp f66 ln 535h 1 j476 4 74 c326e7jk57264eb355d3ah63 7 h545k2n2p6e4k437 c 5 76mp3e 6375536f6o a3cb446 4 75 4 4 p6ck 63 3p a6hle73 7 4 6l 644 f5n 47a3 5f7 25 7nl6p3 56 4k4g jm4d4714 co5 2b646 li1 2 7 d2 6 5o6g4 6 5i6 p553i gb62
"I want to be there for you, too," she'd whispered, her eyes locked on mine. And then I'd kissed her, and we stood for long moments in a warm embrace.
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j 642161mmf275434 h2572774j 5g4536akl463 c 4 4a55 d1f67c7e64n66 7p 566n5 5 b 636 71g5e67646a k4 j hf53km3 d 34 3 263f635c26 5 54 n76 37l3 o g33k kai57n 4i27d 65m7 714 e 46b 4 5o7i 57e645 6 cp46 p6g2 he77j63224o 4l3 33l23363 e 515gc46 6b2l5j675 5356 df 3d2nb bl6 4 m l4 p7 3d2d i74c eakb 45 3o 5m4o55j 4354565fp3h 64ak3h6p65666 4n3445ga5 76gbiji542 2i6hfo63461cop 5h 5 576 6 n6 4225 6m6
"Why are you so good to me?"
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She'd replied with only a laugh.
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I was surprised to see that she had booked her flight ticket already, for the next day. And when I asked her, she recalled one of our phone call conversations during which I had told her about the airline I was using.
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"Wow, you're something else," I had said, amazed.
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"You'd be surprised," was her reply with a smile on her face.
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The flight had been a smooth, cosy one with her beside me as thankfully, the passenger who was meant to sit by my side had cancelled at the last minute.
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I haven't told my family about what I'm doing, because I'm not sure of what their reaction will be. Only this young woman beside me knows, and it seems to further solidify the intimacy between us.
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"You'll be fine," she tells me now.
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"What if they don't recognise me?"
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"And what if they do? You'll gain a family. Your origins will be confirmed. You'll finally reconnect yourself with your past."
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This makes me feel sad for her, that she is very likely to never know where she comes from. Her life, to her, had begun in the garbage, and would have ended if a hungry orphan had never decided to search for food in the discarded heap.
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I take her hand and squeeze it before planting a kiss in the middle of her palm. "I can't thank you enough, baby girl."
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She says nothing, but I can see it there in her eyes, the truth she knows and her hopes that I can make peace with something that has been bothering me for twenty years.
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My father's compound is still the same, with the wide expanse of red sand preceding his small bungalow. Trees on both sides, under which sat wooden benches with leaves dancing lazily above them in the breeze. The front yard is so wide, and I remember him discussing plans to build a bigger house with my mother. Three hens and two goats roam around in the compound, clucking and bleating respectively. Some children are playing around. Their happy sounds reach my ears, reminding me of a time when I used to run around half naked, covered in dust and sand.
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My eyes fall on two large tiled rectangles on the ground, white and conspicuous between two mango trees. I suddenly have this suffocating feeling, and it's like everything else disappears except for those two graves. I feel Nwanyieze's hand grip my thigh and then slide away; she knows what is about to happen and has given me the space.
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It takes me a few seconds to leave the car and stride towards the final resting place of my parents. Twenty years since I last saw them alive, twenty years since the last night I had told them goodnight, and all I see are two monuments bearing testament to their bones six feet below.
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Grief can't be described properly, even by those who feel it. Helplessness crushes me like an iron fist, and I wonder, for the umpteenth time, why it had to be me. I don't know how long I stand there, but I feel Nwanyieze's presence beside me and grip her hand when she slides it into mine. She says nothing, but her head leaning on my arm tells me that she shares my grief, that she's going to be by my side but will still give me whatever allowance I need to handle this on my own.
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"Good afternoon oh!"
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We both turn towards the voice.
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A woman is approaching from the bungalow, dressed in a bright yellow blouse and a black maxi skirt. I recognise her even before she is within a good distance to see her features clearly. A cheerful face with small eyes partly hidden by round cheeks, her body now burdened by weight gained over the years. Hair perpetually in a low cut, skin light in complexion and dotted by skin tags. I had loved this woman after my mother.
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Daa Ndidi.
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She freezes when our eyes lock. We stare at each other, with her tilting her head in confusion at the possibility that I could be here, alive, after twenty years. I know she recognises me, I know she can't believe her eyes. Her hand rises to her chest, her small eyes go as wide as they can, her jaw drops. I wait patiently for her to find her voice while replaying her cries in my ears: Maduka, nwa m, lota biko!
746jl3 5e 6f55g f5 4j4 k6 fj1743 6a2 5f3d2dc 6 4 28o gm66 l37226k8o 1pb k b334l15 4 p5j me4a34 l352 1544h3155 57kk 6g poii555 h5lo52 633d2 c h77 ig2b5c72664 4 cei3i7a 32c5e 32ofb74 54n8775652h ipfbm12 glh314 3e 43 42 h6p 566 3fma n6k4 84 6d47o 53234j 4525748ig 333 dh3g3j43 n6257 p66 656 mm74n4 a1556n3 8n
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23567ok65d6f p7 cjo63667 3di 5 oe36hm6365lpd45g5 pna 5 6642 7bg7 3i 356 l42 53g b 654 j 33p k2b6o2l45bh 757d 557c6 364261fh3 4f736 4725466f66 ff 5 2a3 2772h omc734b65 b473e7p6 p745n74 4 44l2d75m 55c6jnd 5 i513e4 6 7k4 44l64g5 m ek25 5654de 5j b77h1n753a 5 33264664n 5 nce744kg 2i m 53 i 423656 43 36ol34mh4aka 6cp3 g5 663ec5 j21o 2 6 63jn16a f56576h1 i454446lj36g5 a6i4 m 645k 316 62
"Maduka?" she states at last.
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1 4 2p45553i33445k 574 4762gld 4 5n4j 2f6ml5o35a63b3g55c454 473mka4 d3 k4 4pk 6 3ncp6 pjm 476 6 c5h4c7 o256b 6f g5dm25633 6 4n 5 7p 2 44 a6j6k27 h 5h 6ke4627i3447 3537l6 1 41lh6c o73 4 36 d57hj63 3fi6aeg15 534h3g26 e2k3h55 f7 f i 16 6nfai2 635 m6g 56 2j452 5p6a1662 3 n4b665i 55b3 257a 36o4 66n766 4d 616 645l46b656 76 7 353c77644e6lj56 5 47d ngdb64 5 pmcime3f 4 o53 lj e2 673225ob7 oe577
"Daa Ndidi."
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644 5hfc53 364 b56pdb 5545427 3j66e g5 h7 pa27 6hk ho4 d6g4244e73 5 f 13i5p2k4p52i 655n 5c3 3 2aj66a75 n6 b64 56j le4bcj4 4 3427m 3oh6jkl 3 f 5 2 m 777 533ia kmbie5 o45c1d 4o542553547 m 1d6e6264hnn3m p m6 5g 3i c a 4a 56d4765 5j g 5n 3i4626ck4lf6h bon 56 k46 6 b561 a4pf33176633 5 7655j333 2l 7f3f75667 56lo6e566p24d72 6 d 62c 4ln1 4 l 667k14g6244647 7563mg e i667663 5 733o362 457 45g2 734
She starts to scream.
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3h3 6ncc4 jh4 a64l h255f54552 j425 331 37 k567j776b5plf 5554i675 4 5 c a4b2 7p i67f63mo2i64 6 46 gpe6ap65 22 26 fpn27m37 414 6p646 7g7ie4 c6 kd4dj pk 4bob4 o57 53oh22756 661623 bn54 d276na6 4 h 442 k 4n e3o35k3 4j 5g53cemi 5fe3 oi4 63 36g 431 l1426 6a3663 m53431 nd72 l6mj 6m673174 3lo c 54db33a665 54 6635 24 6fg553c42f7g dl46547636m e 75h6k g5 h56la755 565 46n65 d6 74 b 77356 6 ej5 ik 3
We rush towards each other and I let her embrace me. She smells faintly of firewood and ofe Owerre; nostalgia comes flooding in. My throat, already constricted, tightens further.
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44363 353 52g k1 ca 65do7hn 6 e p 2g4263g7j63bp67o 5 4 66i2 5l 3m il7 fh663527 2244465453l 547 65b4a 1a5n34 do 6 446j2b34f6572ep7 5667 42 42 64 jde7 5fd3ic 6 6h7 a3 43 1p51 4p5i4d 621 io3n7m6o 36 kc 3mj6344 7lm4644h 5 fk5h5f6 6423 agpn3 o 75lc 3l 45b6 4c7d4 6 43ec 425356756d6m 65643o 3e 6 56366a 2 631 25453n2kj55la n567g7n 1hi5 5e6575 7 f k5 bh 76fj33m5b6 2674 i 6mbg4g5ce64 j k5 6 kp 567 7
"Maduka. Maduka nwa m," she sobs uncontrollably.
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4 p5 6 7bp 6 24plb 6e 7d71644226j3 6gca 6flf566634c2b 3i4353a6ih66no12 c6pk56l 44546ae4i24d557k743 did p3 3656p7e 46 j67i6 4 557664455c 32 2n 662 4g73411 a4 a5 j 57l3f 5mo3 6d53l642h566m45d 63 mb5j 3m f cj3g e ea6 762 bl4h 1ng7k25iki337n7a64m34g6566 kn 3n4e6 p566 1 o 1 k5o 7b74d32652 h37j27 c4h35fo 54 j2e c4635 n5642653 555 m53f755b54hg366 h 357 4o7466547 m3f3 4g k 4ol2 57576
Because I am bent to allow her to hug me, I feel her warm tears on the side of my neck. I know, that whatever might have happened to my family, Daa Ndidi had no hand in it. The love I feel pouring out of her at the sight of me is pure, like a mother who has finally found her long-lost child.
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274665n66 olbc f4 675644i52 66 l56 15 33g63l6 7c3k k e6 71467m 6 c 645j363473 4p546g6h 46ngh44 a66oo46673 436 p7 267 77 27 dl5e23 3b 665 56n643m j7j 5c3k6n7662 g55154d5 567pk a4e 6d 7i54 3635a4ppi6a5455np4g7 mh3h4 d fb f5b mo 72 dia46 34 3 655643af75246347 o13 ln26k o3c5p77356b 5hk e1f i 2dhk5j4 ge5m4 4e2c b i6 6 f 5f5325256b l 2 m 5h3e 2l j4466o734 2g i5d 1 4jcj5 6n3a25m3 5 2 13 453 74
"Daa Ndidi, a lotala m. Maduka a lotala."
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c 6 43c755l 47c6e dp34h1b5453j22dm 35a l3e 5 4b o3 567nj2l 745gno243o665d25557 735 726476j65m65f675bh c3 2i63ej543 416475463p 57 46674 364i64 m 3eo 4c643 265 o462 37 3akf5d2 gn4 6 64644k2h7g56b5 6g 2m 651 6 5651k4364dhd 36 g l 665 p73 o77a4 3 f m b l6 6g17 5ap4 6a 41 44i6ji367 55j 3enmnj5743457h46h321e5 625a7b5n2 64k 3kfd 5k2 ncl53 e g 6575 2p6k 63243c 63fpb 67poli a imf i654h f 66
I'm back. Maduka is back.
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