Preordained
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Phoenix Award Books Publications

PabPub

CHAPTER 33 | Preordained - Ada Eze
Preordained

Preordained

CHAPTER 33



I- Nwanyieze:
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I'm telling him tonight.
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The thought of it makes my stomach churn and my eyes water. I'm tempted to just call things off with Maduka instead, but I know I can't because that will kill me, and even before I'm done dying, Maduka would relentlessly pursue me until I finally confessed, leading us back to square one.
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"You'll ruin the curls," Mama Uju chides me.
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I release a lock of my hair and try to find something else to touch. Mama Uju is seated beside me, watching a Bollywood movie that I suspect she has seen before, because she keeps whispering to Adanna what will happen next. But her mother’s revelations don’t lessen her reactions to the scenes because Adanna giggles or screams in surprise or gasps, “Wow!”.
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I am too distracted to focus on the movie, because I'm waiting for the taxi Maduka has sent to pick me up, and I'm wondering how the events of tonight will play out. My hands move over the fabric of my dress, a simple, purple A-line dress with lilac silk butterfly sleeves I had made a while ago. I have worn heels, black straps and velvet. I tried with make up; light foundation and a coat of pink lip gloss.
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I feel overdressed, especially as I'm going to spill out all my secrets to someone I've fallen in love with.
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Fallen in love with, you said.
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"You look pretty, Sisi," Adanna compliments me for the third time, raising her head from her mother's belly to look at me.
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"Thank you, Ada."
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My phone rings; a signal that my taxi has arrived. I get up quickly like a pin has pricked my buttock. I tell them my goodbyes and leave the flat. The taxi is a sleek black Audi, and the driver comes out, crisply greets me, and opens the door for me. I feel eyes on me; the neighbours hanging around the gate are staring. They call out greetings, compliment me, and I smile in return and yell out a few replies.
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4j in4 e17dh gp6m76 546 2k34o lc74 j546mo664fp57i k6lm6 7333763 f4 6 366177 65jig467 5f7gk 45 625m675 32 phk53 d6f 74 6ambp346457 6c e4 61a5c h k56176e4 5636 h5i5g22o bko l3 e 2e53g3 go65 62 mnbf7555a lf7244456 nl423j 5 4ie3534 n l33m p4p 44h 2i 323612a6 3442j5343b6 25hj35 1 43 675 2 6646 5d7o36n565b5677n2 b675 365 ck 44 6 n7664ph4 3l6d5 5j gc 324c 51bo6736i d5 64 5 f5a2c d6 e a 4 7 5da
"Greet your fine bobo for me oh!"
4 14 35p28lh5i75325 85nm5 467 5 1f 53 31 8 h7 g6m4 i47a6k 5225a c 3ji2 d8452e25a6 d3 46434 7o33 ke 5g5kmg 8 f46 mob52c58p7h la6lc4 4 153o2g22n535 l6p3 5 b5 34p5 jfo355451kl656 nh 73jl 3fc 3 o3645fg4 46 jfd776hfp 3 d3 n2 a4543b2d4 e6 nno 776 3ej6 k i436 16h4 m6 p4672521b73g76 3ji46 m6e24237gi2ch36i445bk1
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2265 5 636b6 62676 ij3 5el76 3 35pg 3632 ee4c3 o3 5255 p615 4jh5c46pi3 53 6443 754 g1 4 np63 2 6 o2jkb6ood5f25 f644a76 6k125g366h576nh4355 14545j f7d6h53k4ia6544 425dbcggm f 52 p 47 b e 15f6 76756m j k7 kg 72d5 5l 67ob46bnmi 5h4663 56246d3i4 41f46 j 5 6aj l33 547 665 5 cm6aod4 5bp 27434 a5e44h27pn 5i4 74 367c ceg 7o c2 33 34 4d63 7 65k67 3 k4n3 1h l35li 67ml4a 6 75666m372fnl4en5m76623 a
"Buy somtin come back oh!"
8 331i 64g4 m4 5 4 d4a6c p235 77 n j 33l5am 224 m4j45k3k264f 5624445 36c635 2446gdf2m5 n7k 5na8 7kl b4 4641 j5ec6aej3 424578hoh6 3 j5 eo3d4gn i2o62 ea75346 n4op35 j ci f36bm3 3gid 6b73485e f66b3hp55k p f53l25 g757 2 7p8 k5 n 1i3l 4 6 6 o 7 5l 175766 3c6 8i3 452 h 336h1g3255253di5 1 1bp5 5 243 g 66lfho2mf742h17
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b fh6j6 5k4ll14n 453mldk6 63jm 33 7 a g53i356bc o3 6i34 5 7g5 3a6c6 4g3j56c k 23bjd4 i 5453 74677bfl 3 7 5 55512p523khho 4 62666dp664 pc7n 6346 e5j6647ddf2427 jf36467 o3 345 5 4a1 ee43nn 3p7 24f b lc75 k755 i65o 16a6 6 oph76m4 dm24fap765ne 4 4i44b33eg36716k 6 52 56556 7i25 m 7 a5 34 5h5 g32mj3iag 6 6o57456e22 6k 4c2 3264 534714566mlo64f5hhd 5 2 646n2 b754 5 gec365 6 4 6p54ln12743 6776
"Ah! Omalicha!" Most beautiful one!
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41365 65 6i75 l 3o6e5e2dac53d62667 334 64 i 6 1g3 n5b3h12g72h5 6o45l54p 44436m5 6 716 p j 3753674 af 323h6n k e76j35pl6iei 5 5 gcd6d n a4 4 164m 7f3k52 7 j 436m 67 ao2g 62n 7633 5p35 6 72 4b647c454564 7n 35 dg 46 6 k63445do6b3 ojc3554p4o 4 f6kaf35n4742e3 f3a7 hj 63b45c2 51 6k2635h e436 m665 56lg427kc235lj62 5427ib i5673 457 h 24fl7 5b5p 4ki 6c5flm5o m45pb 7 6456h65 71 2n6a 66gej6d 74m
I have a cocktail of neighbours: kind, helpful, nosey, the gossip mongers, those who will knock on your door at midnight asking for matches, those who will drop their children with you at any opportunity, so they can run off to have fun, those who will steal your clothes from the public lines. Living with them is bearable; at least there are no armed robbers amongst us.
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Everyone in the compound has heard of Maduka by now: the tall, handsome man with the deep voice who visits regularly or sends expensive-looking cars to come and pick me up. The one who sends gifts, the one who Adanna is clearly besotted with. I even heard that a few of them have thrown bets on if Maduka and I will get married or not.
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The thought makes me laugh and shake my head in the car. It is still bright enough to see my surroundings clearly. People move in all directions; jumping on and off danfo buses, carrying trayfuls of wares, pushing wheelbarrows, crossing the expressways illegally and avoiding the officers preventing them from getting knocked down by speeding vehicles. Sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like I can hear this city's heartbeat.
2n5l 6 i5 h6j h3nna36 2ao746m5 1p44 bf65 5 4gpl 5365g o 4j c4o 6c5 gji54 743b4bf7g4 553 5e563645 3hobpe4j5h 7i o4 6b33652f3 2553m 5 i81367i3 4kd4 k4n4486651fk2h3 gm8 d171g1lk 3 6c5f2p576h 5 calje 243 2767cdi3 f7 533o584 5 2 fj22 4 46 m7682ak223e3 p2i4 n m4 l8 3 723d6 e a4n 5l5 7m24 2431p7 5d7631 656k3 h 63g
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635 5hc61 7 4 5d7e 6m 64h3 3 7 a5o 27644 4kbo563 21663 g676 7e3 343467753l3 61gi p731 6ha7d4 2niak55 3 554b2546 45 b36566 c64m244654 3f 74a66 63bm ob n 6e5 254 5ognc35 2 676653kj5 3h6 dgjlig73n44f4 3 65lk2 d e27 fo f3 2cej 5 5 3446 mb j56kld61 5o6n4 7 phfpm7 266 a43 7 4 4556 i53556 6mj32 6 25627h6 36pei4f4p5jd45golp3362 2 616c37jp4 5h1535 f 7n 45564 7 lielc744 4bakk7 6 gi57 46 265 2 nm acd
My love for Lagos is so deep, I don't think I'd want to live elsewhere. This is a place that I had immediately adapted to upon arrival three years ago, holding a small polyethylene bag with my belongings, rubber slippers on my feet, hair cropped short, body bruised, mind scarred forever. I had been eager to leave behind all I'd known. I had wanted a new life, and Lagos had given it to me although it wasn't the best.
7 354365j 7e 5jl3 af 34 gmg7 2c d n6 57 45 4 d e2m6 31p 36lj6 2 6o 4h7f n p6 dj568 2i7562el5 2h 1l k5oh5 o456f 5i n6 43561 5726 iaa734f k2n32 7 47553bj6g b 48663n3 fhb 6 k4465o2g 75e 72355 131p2f46c444o8c2 2543 31 5h57jc435 pf gmp4b6i3pb3m426kog 4 48 ik3657m3543li348a g356dk443hn5m62c e 1a2382 57d1 43i h5l
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6 64dm6cgf27epm ghd i 47 42 7k 6753143b7 3633l 4j 65h 7kmca 6d5l 6621 6jm673h57l 6pn bkf7c636h2 474 5 li g572 7 d4 2a3nk35a65i4 3651 54i ea333km35 626c5a6 5 b4633o7p p2k53m31f1n 64e n65466jj 36 gc65g765di533j 564b 55hjp 3n 5 6e p7 2455712f7 l54f k aof5j552 4 4 4d64226p 4774 oef4654 56g665 3o6c 247565766 66g336 4 e 33 3 7 o653644 li 1 4 6267b2 hb547dolo52644nh5c624 4355ea 5n b 4 i 4m
And things are looking up because of Maduka.
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b7ej 6h456e j21 547p5dl3m 6 g736g656k42cm36c3h344 c5 4g3lp 43 36o66h671 no n 544b 3p4d3 o63o376 6 444 d3kl5 63357 5f64 65 4f nl543 46 2mc4 5 6a565o7 m5b24 afa 3k27d 35m2p755j3 p63c 2 d5 215 edj447 55kf 5 675k55l 6565e7 4a32i m4 74 5p4a65 j fie5c24 n6f666 4 646o56i5 6 bmi 65p73 f1616i5 7454b73 3n5hg 1j7kg6ne4 4 l3bi5 6 o b 2e6 g3624 k 6a222376 51n 6 i 2 7433727l66h 6a 46dh72 3hg7j57c64
The car is right before Maduka's gate in a short time, and I wonder if somehow it had flown while I was deep in my thoughts. I unfasten my seatbelt and raise my hand to open the door, but the driver says, "Madam, don't."
n42aia l 5 376o3d756 34 4 j e4 3c7 4 31 3g52455l343 2fmel 1 468eg 6o4 5638 cg65678 4m4 3135 5b5554 i 7c 3i2 j273 5pc 642i 3h25p 234567 1d53k8ok 67 l5n 5i7654773km2635po42f6gkjk6p25 4 4 bh51 2l 45g l13f6i41 np466he 2j d544 n m66 ge7 b373 3jf5 a46 2f653dhn2a2ood2683n 13p m6 53 hhfk23i7c j h 45afbbm 6g 87445 5
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He steps out, briskly walks around the car, and opens it for me.
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"Mr. Obiagu ordered that I do everything for you," he says with a smile.
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I smile back and shake my head, then thank him. With a cheerful goodbye, he gets into the car and drives off. Maduka must have greatly tipped him.
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I had chosen to spend time with him in his home, instead of a night out. It would give us privacy to deal with whatever happens after I spill my beans. On my way to the front door, I stop to look at his plants. The hibiscus is still blooming, but the roses haven't even started. I smile at his determination before knocking on the front door. He opens it after a few seconds. Maduka is dressed casually: a white shirt, brown slacks, and sandals. His injured arm is still in the cast that Adanna had designed for him. The aroma of delicious food also greets me. I fill my lungs with it and sigh.
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Maduka grins, pulls me closer, and kisses me slowly. My tension temporarily melts away, dissolving like frost exposed to warmth.
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"You are lovely," he tells me, licking my lip gloss off his lips. "And this tastes like bubble gum." Then he moves his full brows up and down in a comical way, making me laugh.
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"It's bubble gum flavour, and thank you."
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"You're always welcome, baby girl."
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l6 b62 7nco4 6 67fk475 66a 2 b 463d5 5 3 67 p4476a ij76n5m 5 6 353ok6457615 l6d7 645e 42b 44j 4l2 6c47g52o6de 6nj64a3d536p567 3 71 3 2 h5 6c7ff66767p625m4 35i1e 3 5f637i42aa k f 4o3 2bj635556 5 6 m6n a6n55g4k534 6 546h4 m5 1 c7dh76h6e4po6 em45h j 5bm6 544 537c 516e4fk2 3k3 jl44i36o6 6 g32 n2a 77b7pjlm 541 p5173 4dh255 3724g3 535 cl6d i b3l5i h 4 k 4 6556324 234i3ng g43 g4c 2f23e 65 6 736 op
"What are we doing tonight, Maduka?"
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"Whatever you want us to do." At this, his grin returns, and I know he knows I'm thinking about earlier in the afternoon, when he had gone all seductive on me.
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"I also want to tell you something important, but it can wait."
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Worry creases his brow. "Is anything wrong?"
7o62h4l 5e5g6m54257gp 26 f 5k84663m61553575d7j2 i42334e4 fh5g584n3p6 8h3 p6l d33ne2 26h 66c m3 5ij g14p j76l7 34 22n523 4 m16 3 k8e43 35 7g 7 fc 2 kj c3h 4642 56 6 4o43b4 5l26 7416nl6 oga b43cld8fb 2h3 n5 3144g3a o654ac4f3 55 5di4 5j4o35 i571h2152 j53b6k73 6mn3o5dp535 5af2 4 777 4b8462 ia 6fep1 m3ki i7k
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Oh, everything is wrong, my inner voice replies. I imagine a small replica of myself, sitting on my shoulder and filing her nails with a smirk on her face saying that.
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"No, all is fine," I lie hastily. “And this is for you.”
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I produce a notebook with an Ankara jacket. The notebook is big, like some sort of diary. While visiting the market a few weeks back, I had bought the book on a whim with the aim of making him a gift. This is what I had been working on the morning I had woken up way too early and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was satisfied to spend those hours doing something for him, and looking at his surprised face, I tell myself that my efforts paid off greatly.
6h4 6853d 5ip1 koh2k 6 4 a pme3n 5378 44 4 o3h5dng6 p2264 2434 44752456 a3 i34 83 62fng5 5d f i4g 636kme3 4c1 ji a56l lc ln 272f645 h357b 562jm 3 k32 m834 3n g564 2 4l 6h7a3k117476c58l334fjo5e 2 423b 515557 55 65m 25ij eo 36 kh5 l 731 p346d4p5f5ao34 ci6o4675fh 644f32mp787 gg3b3dbi75g6 5732nj bc j627 62 e151
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“Thank you,” he says, his eyes rising from the book in his hands to mine. “You made this?”
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I nod slowly.
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6626 p p7655n d 5k 6k34inb mb6376563 gj54 6g7a66 7 h6a5be62f4c54 b646j3g15 436 l 4 5p 66515d d4ce 5 531o523h4 34 e243 hl41 6 c67 4 64n3 n7335 c2b 6 6346m cn 67 4p333 6m677 f275l334 i4jf 7p5 4 255na436p463 a 365 a 76 nk56 e622gl o3lf 344h 6 kd fb533c 2 l2 5 o276 242g4g4j5lh64j1754a2 5 i456o4mh5 k5 7 55m4 mp65kkdg m3 45 4 e2ji37c 5d6613o 2i5ff6576o1o6774ea74b6i7 4 5i725 7665 63jeh67d 5 3
“I’m touched. You have me in mind.”
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24 h4 6 63 6b335l e ie4el 3 77m h7 np l 3 hc5544 645d6g266 652n6 6c5kc3g5 334n3 d37km 66l3453 n3c 5b2hlf55 5 l413n b4 2446k 3f57f45 i 347 jk5 57 b 35 16 a7k1 4 okp 55216d7351 6g1ai5 4762j63a3o674 2 27f4bp6 3c p5l6d765b474 6 2o6574n g h3 7 7 264 3245 imch6 7jb2d266 n 65 61agd7i43p g f42 56oe 45jm4mp3f 35 5546foji56 7o2i5 6ea466m7ho k6e2 2c3a6e4755345jd54 g6654546p 6 66m7 4647a5j66363
Just as I’m about to laugh at his obvious statement, Maduka leans and embraces me with his good arm. We stand there for a few moments, savouring the contact. It makes me feel complete, being in his arms.
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Warily, Maduka leads me to the dining table which he has set. I know I've suddenly placed him on edge with my statement about what I want to tell him. I can see that he's walking on eggshells but trying not to show it. He insists on serving me the chicken pepper soup and boiled yam that he has miraculously made despite his injury. The meal is delicious, and we make small talk over it, each dreading the discussion to come afterwards for different reasons.
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I insist on clearing the table, but he stubbornly follows me to the kitchen and leans on the island, watching me and knowing that I need that space, that I need to clear my head. Doing dishes is a stress buster for me. In fifteen minutes, we are back to his living room, seated on the sofa.
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g53 e i55cn 635445c7 6 64 e4 lbn o c36 7 44g2 d2 g 6 m54324 372 3 5 h337 j p4c2 f 3h436b634 1 mp53c 66kl 56 m5 6d 35 ol6366a416bjd 765li1o227a645p42 a6h4j 6675g 1m4b16 7532fcfcf 5764555l i 2e6 32 5he46 k o56e7626 67533331436526 67d54f3goi5n4 lnfn 6 24 pm37 4475 737637 456a2b7i67 52d hm74k 5g5a ke 64f6k2e 4p6k6i1d5 446kb6j7n6 ab 663pj536o56 ap4dg5h 44h 4j4lj6 m n355 57 75i3 4 25735o6
"Maduka, I'm not... I'm not who you think I am."
a mj4cabl5ak5626g3 b 516 l 335 m eg3f g414 i6o24k d23 37325 3727d f 42 4j63 5c8 45334162m4 igc3 p5l hoog5216l 366p en6l46365fo g72ih m2f5n7 5j5eba4b 68 i68 1 i47 8hj 76k 326kn23 35o55 74e m56 5 627526 5 h73d53p og25n 87k 54a 1 h4p44 f l53p d641he3d j366 454if45n45k347 c7c f85i672 721b4n3 4ph63m3 2 5 4345 j
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c 55c6 o63 ab766 k 473c373347 fba61 a64ko jb2ll b64 236 36 43a 674 m5g p2ni4j6d c325kfe3 d6h6741 4 555g2d7p2g ge5515ihn lm143m 6 646b574 f445n62 6hj766j6p 6515514 i5j47434676 h d34p2 mn m6 5476j e6 2m56677 2ab e52 654 d24 o 2k a6f 45 5o564 41 554e3 bi5 5 g25 f5276 37dl6k34o3h764 7d66 353h 434cl n 35p 3 l4pg h3 534 2655 5364c 2j57654il5ec67a ffo6733674 3 ki5 426m6ep7 7 innk3365g6 o6
He watches me from across the sofa, his gaze unwavering.
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j6im36 hpk 3 46 m4645 f64 d 7 363 54b c3f f7655ch6 2445i6h65 f 6j3 e462 n 3725hp4a 7g n 6 54bb6e5o 5k63 g6545 pa4 5264 2 35l77d52b7fd2 4 6 n764 65636m6l a 62cijc i7324 4h1m2 6b35noj65c53773h2m436 e7 3 5i7g 67 d47 l664pp5i5l347a74d 546 og343f6 j6l2 macn446g2665 f 5712e475g73e6 o562 7653 1k 6n712 52 g6 363cob6 5 45m 4 3 o6236pli555pd7534 5 dk 56jljb 4 o1a 5 k1e6 h7e 15 a5 k34k4 3644n334
"I'm not as good as you think I am. I mean... I'm not...pure."
o7m a 4 6313bhg 5f4 35 83 6k866 pa5i 312263 e35i31 g 7mg74 81kb5 5 7 nch22 56 62 g m67f 3 5451 146 634 5nc il3kel4428h35c6p2l43h1jj2k38 gm2k224 474 ddf 6 ao4 75 42m4 h48 il2o7 p bee6p7j3 7l 7 o3e3a56 65i4456nd47oh56g4 fo2 i5 h73c 2mb c5n5726652 p 554f fj535j4 253l3 31nk6465 74bi35 3 4 d56f543 36n 6d3ja 5 4gp
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"How?"
kl555e 4b4 j53mb652 5 447 nhilhk45587 3 51 c5 35j43 3f5 76e4g43 d13l3 d p6jn56dk 6hjife 3cd ii245 7 81 646g65m n2 73 h 8 562on3p5525ob ggp c4 ok22 la 625f6ig4 8 24a736 p7jk h2n6 4 3i1l fa 456443 i 6b3476l53 615eo1 2342o682 8bm 1 63k7 63 7a c6 fg733h 43 n5g352134 fh3p324245o 6d m57 7p e34am j5654c4 f6 722754m
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l 7a75 o 6h 6oa44 6456g6441h5n72c k 34i6 6444j23fi 66357l 55 jm56k7 2i 7ph6ei i2f 755j5fn j 6o5 l il 7 k 75 ccmh454464c b6b67g3l d65635f772g n4o573pd5651n 1 6 4 fn1334k6aoj5o 46562 247 6id5645 676 f e7kl75h7 6c64d 2g33 3 34b25 2pj5 6 6c646 d b36k66 55dg7b75e4425 62 653 45 2p1 53m o36f3 am m4pj6343 a 35 p ce413he62 7k 325e 16 2 3 3 26 73g 6m 35 763a6dn45635p7a n4b5 54h 2lb34 456gem 64434
I had decided, earlier on, to start at the beginning of everything.
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6 nb21o 4d46 64lg747b a1e75647dei 6h44 6ck3 bpj7i1 k53 7p7 m hc335e o547o3p6 66526 ma466jii63 l 736o 4352g 6m46 2 4227j m 6bi46 645k 5d2 756ci l 2n56f 53364f6do 57jn57 fb2 5a3 3 1 le65o3533cj53563 7k 53651 b1d34 5 a4l33462 4h2 7k4j 666p566g32 554k 5pmac kno6h2 665gh2f53n5 6 5647e 3 44njb641 65435567 24 5cm e26c55 47i 3md 5 6f4l7pe6nd4 ah5f 7757ag 4436 p43hg 645 32276l 4 5g 4 f7366
"My father-the man I thought was my father- sexually abused me."
p75i274lj4i h 4443c5641 52cm 13k6 7jl43ao53hg7k6lh 31ad5lk66 p4eo 45f n45 3 o2d1ni5 m 3 b4 l b6 73 6 h3je 2 145m64j6gd 3 i263376p 66 336 d4ma 24i8n2b5 474 3e6352 g83g 625 271 km56f64f5552c gff4355 a558h 6452i483 4of373 55 57 op 44332 31h 2j53dh n7m7iol2744c a 6 p 1c6ne 25n 75567 gk53 824bfg 25bp8j6e 6k3
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7673f 22l4 f o65c d 3o a5ic6e n52md6p5l5fo ap3a eb5 o 5735 3d776 76573224m67 54l2 4365445736 67 47 6d 6ka57f6c5567 6phh41715563 17a1g 5 kf36b6m7k 4 b6cj4m6 423l 4 2ep52 2p4i56p343o44 o 3j b462ln knj7 4 m i 64e5ce2 j i626 354h 6 1ga5b6m3g662 k6 n f d44 33 45 6 h5267 23646dc53n4hg 44 435445jji6l55i77656om6 a6 hl545 534 k 7b7 g 534 e c 23 5gj f 63 ne3 d n55h35476pi1b6134667 65 363 66k2 g4
Taking a deep breath, I delve deep into the beginning of my story, from how I used to be a beloved daughter, to when the abuse started and continued for years before it was discovered, and how Mummy had blamed it on me. I had believed it was all my fault because she had said so, I had known I was a bad girl, that I must have done something to cause the abuse. I remember the sting of the thin bamboo stick on my skin, the violent way I had rolled down the stairs and landed with a broken arm and collarbone. And through it all, Daddy had stood behind her, watching silently.
68n4m o1 m4ggo 744p o4 4fae 43 i5 453852 68e 346o2 45 56561 56 d3 p473 kk3ijk n425 lff3dj6765 em5 c62 5ah3 pc digh3 eff535 b42 2g 1 1ag36i p 3bnn5j6k656 7 1 h254o4 4537 ani njj2lll3 4i3 oc 65647 k hj2 5 55l 255d3 7h66f562a54363 464324 2f1b3 63752477m 35 33 74gd 2 7 3 6i724g3bb5h 6c4m7cpm84p85262h151l e 87k3
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m62c 644464p7 jd 46l7376ah46 b52j275765i27 j4 aig4525 c 6 37a62 dd 56 n g743 6a 5n l246hlf5433b4nge25e 6176p24 233e k i643h 1325k52 bef3k 6 d4k6ia 5och pcde 6m64 75c5g ofi2 41 3m44 4554 3 6i 2 f4b66m m67pg75o o3 km11fk5l536 6fh jo42444ge6437o555553 4j a 5 l3676635g57 6k n34 4 o 3hlnc5i 66e 76 376 67 5 bm57 7f 65 1p576d p744 2j3732 6c35 6n51 6566456h6 67l3 2d5 55j3pab43 36443n 563b 6
The curses still ring in my ears, and the revelation: "I'm sure wherever your real mother is, this is also what she is doing!"
24p 4i32fb 45k75o 5dm gmi2 36o l 6a34i4b6 75gpm21n 56gi14 c47672e4j 2835o33ml 2 5d238ga4 7l52554 61f64375 5 e3b2j6h32 3 4p 41k14 6hp47njn2 b4 ce 54 574 85e353 ni 8 a6l5c6g7ff75ahcd7 76 8o35463g 6 mej5f k533h563ld67dhj38532324c h 64 3655 72 54 b f k7m1 464 i 5 j2 l43 323oan4666 3h6kif65kn34511 p52opg
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37o h3p p7fj 53 6 g53 gln 325 156 2 62624 5b4c o 5ag bb654o52 74756i3 fke41566c5 4l262 c657jd67eci5 6h56 74hnf3 6545f41b666 6o glm3n5dp 556d 246566f46 544ki 13 74343 5p 66 647dj4 447md5 lf c6 7l 5 5 3 n k66 3 o 17h4aio76a5 k326 34m475 76 5766363 4 d34 656ik2eao66314 5 3mph46e572 326n nn7le5 7f1ih3 35ke p6 4g4 53g26m6ea 43a 23442j3h 25 bm m46 6a54b7cdjji63k 7 g 5b25677 5 p45lc2 4 33 74j
I had stayed on the floor after the fall, dazed more by that comment than the pain from the lashing and broken bones. Fifteen, and just finding out that my life as I had known it, had been a lie. Mama Uju, our neighbour then, had been banging on the front door, demanding to know what was going on. And Mummy had opened it and shoved me out, telling me to go and find my whore of a mother out there, telling me that she regretted ever adopting me.
1 6g 1m4c6df52 3533g 77f h5b57h33a6o4hec6p 436ilij5 7m7i n a24 1 pi145j534 l2776l5 o 85 575634446i36i2 k 3f5 1g4825642343 4dk4e65 8 2ko6jh35 mf13 7 672d3h6k33fem3p d 5n 432 g7 n56k h2c 5j 48h 7 b 5n 13p7m5ll j6f 4 46cn55 p3 2 32 d l33a4g55b 6 3pge28 4 o666 o5875n63 2mb45i 4 e3 5g4242 25c f2ba61k6o a4j 4457
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5 6b5il4 575lgc em2 766i36 1 4 7k653n 535p36 2 o 46bb66h42 e3 636o 646n4 o5ci4 c i5747ln63427 565f6 66omaf3 4732 c 6e kn353 724m1 j j7 m65h57d edg65344 763 m3 2 67d 67 45 554 4 565aab7 h7j 6h4666c4c7j51 f2 p6p7e346 b26477656jh5 466 6435g 25 637nb5226 n 26p5o 2 gnodje 5h 4p54fc 4a2 5 4 2 a36df6 l3 mg46e73 3p i i l53 dkk2 555m3 4632f l 14k6i4k34f 4ogja 3h6 417 574 33 4g b5 p1 d66 5kl7 5 53 a341 5
I had gone into shock and woken up in a hospital, with a worried Mama Uju at my bedside. Of course, majority of the neighbours had dealt with the matter in an unserious manner. Puberty had hit me early, and so it was deemed that I was ‘of age’ and had seduced the scum bag I called my father. Reporting to law enforcement was another matter that was never faced, because Mama Uju was threatened and as she was far from influential, her hands were tied. All she could do was accommodate me after I had been thrown out and disowned. She was the only person who believed me.
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35al 41e41p2 3 7bj52k356 6p 3 aj6k ke556j fl2 42762i 673 k7 eol44 57 d3a52 gn e335m64 2n ch447o4 j 7 56l h a5 4656 o66p cf6535 4357d5 23 3 dp j646 32362o57 fnmbl6d n6f635n543 4dgnb1p152 6h 5 6km65cf66p62j5 4 4 7644 277 eb2 56 35i4 4366 7 2747 647 m664b 6 k6ibk 7 l5 2h524mg5 p44eh3a5375a 6 d1465 6 777gc3754136l3454ocgho7ao365i53 fc6 6 5g3433 41 454m6n di gf55m57j6i35b4 h43c2 6 i6 e 66 6
II- Maduka:
6l 6 256ic i 52o oi5 2f 5 gm 5f64238p463g 71 5d 3n d1p25 543 7hh32fi 424 33f4 8 335m334443e oil6 n3243j55gp82732787k47 533ec444 6nl1f4 5673lkd g65 24b pn226kl b 4c65g3374j45734k ib5 o b514o11mc6pm2 m 5273 f7 2 8m6 5aa h l k3 476 53 e575n535726 g6e6hj 376 njgo4 a4j5k 6 1h5 ipe 4j56cb286616d34 a h 54hadf65
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Have you ever listened to a story, and felt so enraged not only because of what happened, but also because you are helpless and unable to do something about it? Because you were absent from the event?
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Her eyes are distant, her voice is emotionless as she recounts her ordeal and I know that she is trying to place herself above the pain of her experience. Her hand rises more than once to massage her right collarbone, like it still hurts. She doesn't look directly at me, but over my shoulder.
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"And then she called me a prostitute, like my mother," she says, and that is when her eyes fill with tears and focus on me. The fluid makes them look bigger, the tiredness is visible in them, a sort of world-weariness settles on her face. She starts to shake visibly, and her half-empty glass of orange juice slips from her fingers to spill its contents on her dress. Nwanyieze doesn't seem to notice, because she covers her face with her hands, trying to regain her composure but failing woefully.
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I can't take it anymore, either. Feeling torn between holding her and trying to clean up the mess, I choose the latter because I doubt she will want physical contact now. I get up and grab a hand towel from the dining table, then try to mop up most of the juice from her dress. She draws breath noisily from behind her hands, gets up, and runs out from the living room. I follow her, but she slams and locks the door of the guest toilet and I hear her retching, throwing up her last meal and sobbing.
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I wait outside for a few minutes, listening to her turn on the faucet, splash water on her face, gargle it. Then silence.
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"Please come out," I plead. I feel guilty that somehow, I had allowed us to be separated, even when it was something I couldn't control. If I had known something terrible would happen to her, I would have stayed behind instead of following a new family home… But one does not know these things.
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"You don't think so highly of me anymore, do you?" she questions from the other side.
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"Nothing has changed."
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If anything, it has shown me how scarred she is, and how I must gain her trust and live up to it. She placed her trust in people who were meant to protect and nurture her, and they failed her. I'm going to show her every day, that she deserves everything I can offer and more.
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"I'll come out, and I'll go home. I'm tired, Maduka. I'm really tired."
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l62bi4j44525a5 6ge3 ef14 p56m i45j6n7 l3i56 443g4 4 5 4 o55i2 4 6o546k7 pap3ln 5 3 7 33456em 41 k op4j 63n3465g6427af263646 4ka654 44 4id 3l mk667 3e56h2abog6555g66 4 hb 775665 4555353op loen 6533177 4ab 3f 3 3 3 5 77c4k5d 6 66bm 6ib h2 c745572 66 j7d42 6 ebfog3 75 6 6 6 5n4nl53f717726 65722jk3 5 566mf 5h 32g in 21 d 6 72p36 63l2 mjd 54ch7 27356 67che6c4dhd5 p4 64 127 a31m6cf36635kj 4 c 4
"You're not going anywhere. Not in this state."
h b646 8n7m6b3c8d op m 6k5k6545 17 14 7766l554 5 61e3a 33 27256 i37 3 443 23c p45heog8ol n2e75j4njh5pf4cj7 6h h34bi36722633318mfj7 2 4 g614k4 a363m4g65o11f3 4n d25 g fe583ff5 45i jgh6c8 h4 paa kdc 4 b25 55414n 25l i2a 653 p4l 5o5l7 i75j4b3 2p 5m756l36 dg3i736 o e366 7m2 322 5 44 55 f2 n443 5 kik 66 54 23 gd 32
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67 2 ma445i 66 c451 427o 7 2b l 35 52453244 25b5 6532d l55l3657bc63 m4656666346c74e gki 6n 757o4f736 g5p 5 6 b47mif75167h14k4f b3252d25co 3h k2p42 h 433ej5 a6ba in 47p5 4 a365 g13hc2 556 7g6 i764mp3d3n 57i5 3mnep3nj645654ph 3 2j 7ddk 726c56 6e3 e c6n 54 o5i6olg 5m 5 j4637jh f3 32e 66 3345l5 m4 o6a63441567 766 gj1h2564f 34a6765l4 kg67 4d326j 3 5o 366k3 7 n6 6p6 bfe454lad14 674 54f 6k
The door opens and there she stands, looking drained, her make up rinsed off. The front of her dress is wet, and she smells faintly of vomit. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter to me because I know that embracing her means embracing everything about her; the good, bad and ugly.
l ej 4p5b 66 j 6 16 ac65g725p kfg15lj48ff62e5 3 3iha3 24g2d76fh7l n4 ld 464 733h66hi3 34n6 1 m 5 3dd g 3gb 512p7263 3i 47555 5 57 74 23 7m 8em f5 2e7 1c 2io64 54 3c k gi23853n 5pjkk85 b og2 o48 14k465 6 h56p33e6n5m2kl4f32m3 527 oc5 542 734a7 8477b 64 413lmn4 f5o62h44 66a53 6533462531c5 b i4j5jh236d5a4p 3 on i4
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44 73 c56 ia1h52dnb6i735 664 6p4d4b 4 ad2g6p g46c6j6 m 3e k5 26k1634 514e 6hj 57 426c66c5p 6a7j67444fg 23 65547 3 6 5p 7c33g37l7 3d46b o76534 i62h 5ii5e2255 555 jcjonae464 6m5o k7 444 66h jf2o l37a67b2 b6 6l32 3n1 ff7 h333l3 6746 63la mkc5d7 pe4 p654gf6 g5a 5 k4353 3 363p 7 m m5n766 d 575 31362 g4 6k l 5 n3nb45 l1m55 6 514o35465e3 io 4 52 o453526d4 4bm5n7 ij 4 eh266 f22 447k27 f6656 6h775
"I'm not leaving you," I tell her.
5d c 2435344k8ll4oc 63l6 75 4dk3ed843 4n5g 8235 476 51 72oh5 7k5g5 b jm2kpfp 273hf25p7n di56b6h66nl ij437eo 533 3764ii4 f3732e gak75 4525k746al64e83 365 112 o 6 6g36m1i24c34 mj74mi766 2 p55n5 h b6o4 24c5mj8o 1c43 f6 fj63 7na p f4bg456h5 1 11g32 332e 3h2l5 5 732h554 5a534 4g6df5j58 42a6 n466 p m3 3b 2i
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4i63f i 6hl 626 j3 15g 7p p6j6 6e5 6no35n5k746no5b 3a 5m77 34346 i m56543n4a566kn 44d 66 7 26l73m e 5 a 5 5k72 36bgo 6 g64l44534h7 76 f 5h67j6f5 53 3h62 33 n3 526e m5c4e6 j7424p 243763 e44675 me43g364335 54od a7i 6 f547j7kb2 3374kp 3452a 4515 k 53fa25dgi7g3m7 32hc1 5l 1 i5 d64ip42 4o2d 5bdhjm1hc6lf4645 bp63266762 62255c bcj4 545a5 k5l42 7 6c6 po c4664 477l b 6 5 e35361gd16 7 5 66fo66n
She opens her mouth to say something else, to protest, but I stop her with a hug.
o324k 1 43im5 gnge7afm64b67 56p a 1hj66l61in53473422l 4p5i3356ek46cfi 33h7i 3mko52k46 3367c g 644d2525h 7f 4 3p7 615 ln h 7eej 1471 352hg l2444o 4kc mp g37 ip j68 3 6 jf3a 46 2 5g4bg757h1 m2 o4f dp665 72636383a3552d8 64 o5d34d 3534555n652 c5l5b8 n 4 f5 552m 2a o25cj h 2 17kb4 5 2 43l6 i57f58en b6 46j3383 4
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h 5 4626247c j3166p 44 ee756 kh o c5n6 l5 7 546 5c 2h2775 3736g6664744535b23oe e165ac a e6462333 6 7441433 55d6ffn5533 4 43b b3a263 dn33fp73hc3 4636i 6 7dd57 m aj534 24536 77pl g5 5 j537l1k 442i7b26lp45k17j6ia 66gf466d oc7 glga 3 kj535m4 364lcbj2i g i 3 65666 4 5 666 54 f1 4jh7 64 m763m7deb5255 f57 m6k p2 li 6n 7 n56 2m3 5 7 n2pi5o5 6e56o4 p56 2 424d4g o 51 4 4 k 4fh6 3h n mb556k2 o6544 a766
"You're taking a warm shower, and right now."
b76o366c326kn j43d6j 8 3b 5f 3 53hl o6f557 51 a 1 gocf5 l im365pp54 e2bl4i i 4 6d5 32o5g jo3 g42d6k mh55h 36 f5 58kf25pnh 3 e4d4p44 6f7a244k3 6l7 7 447c6265np2537 33 6g4 e22j665 66 343 m61a58 7 2m7 h544 i 332e3 7g22 27344nk 56 8pi4 el kb44456 n4 ab c324 5nd8jh32cf 34l2gmj6i171 8og mh7 7 1 76 5i a145 35551553 3
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5hd djn4365je6 3b7m26 o6f447235426173 6 4 lh3k1a d 6367 54g15p543j a2p6c63 6 4j6 e 37 6736252lc4637a5k o3 775g3o2le642b5 15 g7j7o 3l14b g4ho4ca3 754c4522 5 4 pmf3 dm5 g 6n24 616k35 55 i 26a67 6 hn53 37 6 545 66p5h f 4o7i6 47 62746665 265f 3bn6563l6646 77f535 55a4 fi 76i755d6 k37 ch34665 736d4 e64pcfb 4b465ll p k3454 26k7 5 m1o3mai dinmn4k 2g 36e 64cj5ej25pm 5b h 43453462 5n4i6eg
Nwanyieze emerges from the bathroom twenty minutes later, smelling of my soap and wearing one of my shirts, which looks like a huge dress on her. I can tell that she had been crying in the shower; her eyes are swollen. Her hair is now held above her head in a puff having been exposed to moisture and shrinking back to its natural, kinky state. She gives me a weak smile, but seems to hold back, standing close to the bathroom door, uncertainty on her face.
623 1k l 4 b6j75 5b22g7 8l45a6g7l 6 p5po345fm nf 25 546 4h72 e5 j5p k53 5 5534 574 655agi15717o82 ind1 f e13c2i3g p46 2d 4 d6 6h4k bc 5 4 l42 6 3 k 2e1l53edjnh8f 61n7855i642353347f h5 5g4hb33k53o337323 a683363l64g 5hoaia4k 35 4n 42444o67687 635 g66f 3fj32h6i jb6 md62m4mp4 53ni424o 3 7mepc 5 jm2 c 741c627
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2oob2e32 2 4547m 4o7dg i 2i1ad56542n4emik3 i 6ja ef572c4433216 3g 66pb 46637 6 b2fm7 3 j 365 43k6 5h 76he 6555 3 m2643c 4gk 6 k6 3 74f26n6 a6 4 4j34b 6i1 n 3 l 56 f6j36n6l6755e7766 447d64j55hflcfp745n5576 5 l662 6d1 m544lh7m5on app4 63f52cd47 o56p 5c33 h l1 7n 64 2 7 4bk5jb66645 a5p6c7a2445 3o db 15c 5 3234716 gh 5453d6g677pa3h536 65 73 4l55g 5 33k 5k2g 67j6 346e 53o466452e43 mi4 5i7
"Come here."
8384k 263i5b mo d h16412bkg j7 24kc35h5o56oi584pcm 5 k3 5 a m5n53 f l iog ac3a 66c 2 8 36455 f 3fl1d5p 31 4i6 f g4 56 4 675655d35ge6e755pl n63247j74f4326 2h6n2a44 b p6 d h 6 jk bn 53343 kg45 857m g564m 3e4 pi l 5 283477oe1cm2 637l6244j 2lbi6 17 a4ejn424fphfnd52 14 452o g6563 22 6437h73h 15 23j5 743 3 36 337i57
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6 3 6 54677 b53e p a g 76o34 565in64 67c6655g1j67 354k2f53 g 4 54555g5 56p2 6l l246 2 56i h54 m6kppj52i66ac6h l37147 ik 45 b36 75 24 e2n e6n4m 544 55h4an mm4e 2c4 7l2ho65 5d63fb o4676 p257 kj p5663g j4 3 216424j75e4d24 ga hn325 336277d5i5 5 a5746a 74fn75 h4b ei367i 4 f67 33b 7on 36h m3 515666k o6l 6166o m3ak b452c662cd6l5 5 c73j5 bg3346ed34f73f36 fp13m44 43 7l jk 3 4d66 23645dc136 o74
She obeys, and comes to sit beside me on the bed. I place my hands on both sides of her face. The tears are gone, but there is a deep sadness in her eyes.
824 66315c5e j j6 43ph3h654g85cmlfi d3k6 3 b725m hke e 3c464d n7724 bf333il4 hg 64 2l1n4f 4b g a 47e5o p8 34i7 5p5a568m 54lc15b75p4o5 23i25pen 73 562j 54j2 fm 16 d h7 5 6455 251 75 3i66 b35 2jo5o832 24 2g66 7 6k 35336o27 52 a g d374n i 6p5n2m33 64 3 7537h c5j2nk4661k364353114k fg36m6 di 4 g 784lf4 a4f4h25lo a
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j g772 51637o4 m34nc343 g6 73n j5 dp552m7536n567m 5dh322pk 46 6jb2 a2d635ag656i25647422i pg j4i5 3 4 l7n65 545m61o3631 e5 e6ki45a66p 66e4363e24b4d3 726 435chl 4n4 3 heag 34h26d6 6366b6 e7k4 44 377 o5n555 5 63go63667 4j 2 2 1i5b6 olf2 e51k 5k6a36 4f47 lk4 65465625c1bj 3l 6c l 7j6 h46c434 43 m 5p653f7b l f76h d6k64 d oman53 c5fa3 524g7157c46f23 o47m 564 h675b57 5 i64p7f6543i7 p 5
"What they did to you was a very wicked thing. It shouldn't happen to anyone, no matter what."
55 ii i6 k36o564 612 h6n648pn2j74 3146575blhm334 o 61 632e2 k234m 7e5 g66453 536 doiipn jecni2cg g f512cl3 63go 1j f77234342g33 5 4 456e a2j34 j 3 3im5pb 2 677pl 2e6bfo5 43 45d855454464a37 8 1 gadk 6 2 3 15f 5 45546n 13f437 34o7n7m865fh4j2 l453 p d26a4 6375k84dh 68p al3 h l2c b46hm553 b572m 57h g 57c2kf5 k
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n6b fcm46f7 j ae75m 5 o jok63ln52i 7 f p73l6674 i 43 6o5 mg67 26p65 53 d 43e4 m6hca6 57b4 33254p 6443 4 35ed 2b361l736 55 6b 262 4 f 222lib6576545d4 4 nha71e7551 b3kj 522 4 3i54o51e4kg 46m44 7ne dled5 5n54637 65ig47543j6op64 6 215mkc oh 5627554k 53632 57k6i2 c5p23l6f2 73c maph6h6535j 7652537da7l366d 7 664 7466a 455546 gb 67n 44g 6f3c f5h76 4 643 4po51 3 3 g63kj 6 446g 31hjn3ic6636a
"But it happened."
4id21313f4ch jl b2l4 5 p 3pi3po6 523 e1n 3cj3p 44 52a7 2mg55 45m5 j 773kh15 3f63 h56dh67 p3c86oa 3j 5 m5nl27 4 43f3n376 665b e2a a7k2k6 n458f3 24 g4444b2 7 6j l835755 g1ojdk57p63n53ah6c6 f 5bi 27 67e34 mk h 144 5o52 8f8l5c2g434m275 55 di64n56 e 6674i54 33m 822 6 ok45536i3 i36g41lg243 f46 h7o615g2d46e b
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hfe 7oeh6klf6n k ff 6co44433k 33534445 677b64 m5p22gc6p626646416 7 5e36742a6 m2 6 7 m2d74 6je67d37kph3 5575335 j7655l 5i47 j5 1 64 45 636 54g33m 46j7555fo36767bl 3ba4b53 p6l c4517 h2167danl245jig41 6i7n21m 4 i 6m5i 6p 3 e 6j44o 633356 a 7c 5ajd3624lg5 2 a2p 3a 645c54 d 3466d b i5 5 6 gcm6ck3nf362 2g6 o4 e h57 h7 on5hef2bk277l5546b1 4346p54 5 64255i44 6 3 6635 665 d2 5n k7635g n34o
"It happened, but you survived. You made something out of it. I could sign you up for counselling therapy. It will help, trust me."
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She shakes her head vigorously. “No. I don’t think I can look another person in the eye after telling them what I told you.”
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A part of me wants to search for this family that had hurt her and thrown her out when she needed them the most, find them and call them out, make them pay for what they did. The other part wishes to somehow delete the bad memories from her mind; but I know that the cracks we bear are what lets the light in. It is a gut-wrenching thought, that we must suffer one way or the other to get to where we are, but some suffer worse than others.
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Nwanyieze shrugs and looks away from me. I can sense her withdrawal again. She is receding into her shell slowly. A light of understanding dawns on me and pieces of our past conversations ring in my ears.
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"...if anything, I lost my innocence quite early." "I don't have a soul mate." "I can't make you happy for long." "My Daddy used to say-"
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"Did you think this would make me see you differently?" I ask gently.
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She presses her lips together and winces. She looks very anxious, refusing to meet my gaze.
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It is almost at the tip of my tongue to tell her that I also dread going back to my ancestral home, that I had impulsively taken a flight last year back to Imo State, driven to my village, and passed the home I was born in, too much of a coward to confront my past. The sight of the little bungalow had driven a knife of ice through my guts, and I had broken into a cold sweat and gripped my steering wheel so hard that my knuckle joints had hurt for the next few minutes.
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c7 f h i4 ke5n56glp6l7 3b 67lc7516o2l6b 1 dfoe4326 65p66 cj 553 5 ngae6d53d572m42 m 76 65 5 4 3 c og56dk 3 f2 jo454k 647 c p3n37p 7b cf p4eoi7 4i1544165 725 437 63 755655456n76a 5 266g k 5 i6 3 74af52564h4jp 54 6641 i 6h7342 7 l5 2 jakj a 6547 3b h 137am2g5gim746njh4p m43e h66l 24643566663 3742b4e3544m55d3 o3ag jd 6f7663i363m2 enf63 464 o 565l245 646c65hk 1 5 24bk764 76 323n25d3346b 3 5
But it's her I'm most worried about, because if she isn't alright, then I'm not alright, too. Without knowing it, Nwanyieze's entrance and re-entrance into my life has changed a lot. Falling in love with her after all these years has awakened something in me, a need to set things right for us.
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"I'm not going anywhere."
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She is still distant, but she opens her mouth to say, "I'm really tired."
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It's just 6:30pm, but she puts herself underneath the covers of my bed and curls up into a ball.
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"You're going to have to eat something light. Wait."
f7p64 4565 k6 8b5 4bf272 5 ja8a2565j 34 plgmh2ne5 k 4326cfg65b 1p ec2254434 o e3 io 7m7ja k516m nk4a4 336 2f4d44p43 4h25m65 c7 m l b475il plhinn7p hg7582655 8k h 325e4 k ngl3 3767c2662 4 3g3d3e 54376j6j 6156 6 m4n d 43536 32oi33 1gh438 333 c45463 f5 la7i 21513 d f5574 81hb5g o 2f4o723j345d i61 6 556o 5i276
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After some crackers and half a glass of water, Nwanyieze settles underneath the sheets. I don't know if she wants me close now, with the events of tonight. But she reassures me by shifting closer to where I sit, signalling to me that she needs my presence. I join her underneath the sheets and drape my good arm over her from behind, spooning her so she rests comfortably.
7o 15 aab 3epg 56867 6k4k4435p 5 53 33ifkp4 34o41f 6 fck47 7o3h 82f18cg674543734784j8 463p77ne a f265e 3j53n 4kn3 6565a7 c5c 6d413 i67g27o4 2n 5bl2 2h 2e 45hemg34l1j7 53l325 2 2 jp46 i45kl p 3624 abo 362fbni4gj m 6ld 162bm35 43i615 645n5353d1 563 i4m67g5d2m5c 3262 4 5i5mh2 f5hhdoh 26j53 5g3l4476 6 58
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c lb2 5n22j 5246 625 6h nf66n33644745 e4 33 h5617k 233a25m 56h2 57 5463 j65 35pfb1 5f3 b423g7 l675 34 1647 7ap3 27444e46jn56l5h66i47e354d 3 7 1 442c6 g f452n66 5f 7 5 3 63a7 jc6ko37m5f5 5 514o565462635m7m45eo6 d64 3645 aoc6g6k 3 p63mp4 64jp7l iji76cik754pda233j5i646g5b6 6o1266gm2oi5 175 h57 p36kg da3 43kgd 4 n46256 5 i73h534d 7674 m en66 cc 3b f4o 454 6ll5 b67l56 26k4de baeh7 3
"Thank you," she murmurs, her voice muffled by the pillow.
5 o o 5 5 n 6a1 f5j54 5f 4hmd 4k 4k3g4li3fp d 4i3727n4276 382o4 6 63 42b 1 c 3n1 nig 1o4f 36 m p k 6g74d346 4 3 6m77j81f55c gf4 52kdj63b457 3 55356 k36h3g3552i 7 g46638lk 353m23h7 cphl6l547o643 h 4 665 p5am722bl68144i7m443 68 6j5 26db5i e i21eh3 8p45 252 ec5c7e5a2a a 26n552274 37gb46132 5je634 5 nf5jhlpo33
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5m652 24g54663 ec34 5e747 46 6d35n5m 51 3hlo63 i4666id2 6 6 35 6 e 6ll5p627 kp6 3o m 3 d772op24ln 3 ed5i 3 55 g4 5 4 b p 6f53h 43cj6 3 a ce1 3 bh5 563646 1d6df e7n756 4gk 577 a521fn763326p2326 4a64n65 6 g 6 56 2644mlo 2i7 7 5557b4lb k4dc6654j 2 36 5434 4o6624 66c234 f p74 3f614374hf456 5j4hj hk 55544236 3736a3 a5 6o3 b4 15 466j1ikcik734347b7a ilj m5nb7 p7njf 55 52 5 764og5 7 2mh656eckamg7g
"Did I ever tell you, that I still remember the way home?"
6go6 m36c 52e 476h2nf 3 h7 4 5bm22p45hk4 io f5e673ag52 od64 6i5 4 i5 366 53 72 57mc5 3c3 4 bp47g761k 4j a8 l 51561h33e p6 f5 gj4lnf3j54m6d77 4l45 1nb l6 7156ng1552 n3 pc535a b ik5 n 88 g27 mo3 j5o22di4325 6338 5 p 26pf4i 43 3e1255b 8a4 dk 42 73 hf3 555 h44g683kcj64 e3 4773 h6354 ja64 o6m34l f7 231 k462d2326l4i
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53d54 6d535533g36 2 4i 437m6a6i 6 ia4363ba2 72k2c4 3 nbk 43ed45c m5 4 l k 47a363 3i6477 62a4no67 g46 1e h2 m7n626n5455 6gp 64 574475462im6p 5cm 667h c 41246 7g 536 76 3 51 35 fpj54m 36ch4266l65bp454no5 6d2ji77k 4 f5 3lg5pj5l 72 6h 6766 1536k 54j k 45 b 65 c3 7a 34o 6 5e6 55 355 6 f2g l27b5n e634o n6a7 2ogk3h 53576 1fe 2 3ec4764 h4346563 5 b5oi36h 6e11 44 opf5l62fj7m6djbf6 72 6 5dj447lp3d
"No, you didn't."
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ik 7 34g 6 5 c4c46j 7j 6557 l65o4 55e6675p24456315ae36 2544 f57nk6l571l75cgn54 7b24 36ldog 1 2 m465g6 6hgb3 b646 f 54 54ice363 656 53466n6 6j52 26bb o 2hi332l6 54 h f75 5 g7774m633h4p3326k66a676km5 67 p b 7dm ka33n 4 67 7236 4 h6m jf6 76 o 6g 654f4 i466 7e c35p h3a2f5je 745346 443cp353 i 75 p 5 1j4 o 37 da33 h34lddi714i f5nc4 53e2p2 445 akd65k16m4 l5 a6en3 2 7nd 2o o54 b6526j m4 362256 15
"I can still picture my little room. And my mother's vegetable garden. My father's cassava farm."
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p4mn5cbj62jh 664 4 4 5 65 7ok3 7b l765 g 2g 2kbf3 go415p6p 346677aj 6 kb6652i g56m2d6n77 7 7 4c2 bc3n 7 45 ho5 a635663 31hk3pj675 4i44 4e2a7 6d7676647 l3 4cc25n3 4 3ei32 643i76656k m5d 565g6n 5645 nm6c56 7 o4f4626f2665 3o276 4g3 5542oa 6 5464d6 2 6431lc 533 eep45l54 fk di723h1ffgj b 7h 144 k45pljoe3 421bf 5 1 mm h6em4 5355 a53 57di7 a24an5e565 3333 h4 4663 66d3246 3 j3655i7 l5l4 6p57
"Why don't you go back, Maduka?"
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5 i1 l24 3c6 f ed37 h5pm364 567444 6hm4 d674hi6 245p335 676lj4 3 6 joh j 5656 27 57c4 k n1enm dd36 5l 3564b256gp 2 fgc5a k753 m 75j3kc7 41 g3p6 55572h2f6g64 63 6f 7 45co31 44532ln 4a554je72l 3 363ak a4 aa6 6n b 4kd34346 e1 355346 2 e 5po4 6gk5m3i74765345 6ib 2b5466h 6632p43k24g7 5553764672 ef 47 b n45p 6 mi2556d65g66 725o74h 567f6461 j l3c5i 6b 5cj61b56 667 6n 3 mn6i2o3 7 e 4olao237 d4f
"I'm sure no one will recognise me. Those who are still alive probably think I'm dead."
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I don't want to tell her the worst of my fears.
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5 6 6 5553 34l6b567ka 257 i544o7 lih4 2 a a62 557 53 7g 35264 43mig h44p7 4n4 6 5 7443 c7b62 666324 765 f5 adg7 5p6h2b275 4 624 m n 63a m6ga31h43 6 446dj237f5gi3ol6656 e 15m54355 3d 6o1747 ph74 24 26o53o4f6i7k21m55a i1jjg3p3 6f3c p d 347 2d 3 4 jjm hn76lg d742 36675 4h 5 l 4f3je kke63 4 6j14f 1e33642c36c44c6 l65kb757i3n 6b7dmc56456664e o5f 2p5666 7b5e36453 cbn5 5 nok66655l356ek 62 n p
"I'm sure you'll be able to convince them. They're your family, too."
3 22k75 32 3ag3ch536 h 4 3c173213 p 4 f5p3 fm63k6d 4 8 4285 52 4 g6885 2 6b65543aa3hd6i56e 5 75hp ko7k43l71kj3 3j13157l4 235l37 665eo663 25 544 gm 25k h54cp33i748 1 6i6 gfblo7nf 34 24 l444 g2j538i2o766b n4 26 e64 5 j3b7dpf j 3loei5haa45gf65d44m435bn5i n 6gn4624f761dc 12 35 mc255o p 6 4jm e7556im 274 h7n
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44bki64i67pia 3 32 66f6b 5ldl 2 7 76 641o25456b5 4 346c 324 h465j 1 7 p 7o5 46a 6m n4457 k4l55 1 4e 7gj3 336365o 6 j f i73 73 2hca6jp6j64 2m 375e7 g 2k5fc5d57 564h 7 h575 e5m5 45 42 h5m64lj a d23e 66335 3 ene43o5 n6g5 65g7n4372273 637f66i7f6 o4f c75 n 25 ek 666mdna56d5i42 gk 42 h456354 6k3i 375dpg76n53c67bba 6f456ko4 cb 4 64321454 a61dg665oj5 3 5mlm12b7333p l 243 6p215 453l6h6cp64646
With secrets I don’t know.
f644p5b7 p h576j5b752e24bj4 g8h 2n4mgn c 3pl7e855n4o8c31 656o33nh h765 m62h5in m563k ie6j345316 2fa l gb5 6ki36553 8j3 52n 47 g 56434 4 m 35334473 2i 74i4 426 763k 76 4p 2 66fl6a257 3l 34554ec1 i24354mfo1 d g 1g opc 2426cp4 3g3ae52fm86fkh4a17 222 53 4j2 4 58 h 3756ki1d 5 6 3d 6o3k 6d75ld34j bo f5 a55713l
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I place my nose at Nwanyieze's nape and inhale. My Irish Spring soap, her shampoo and hair oils, and my clean cotton shirt make a soothing cocktail of scents.
jmo 534 gbal 5ji3k4 d 6 621 e8ia 75 624khbhdd3 4135 4 78f4g56k5hma 33 5o 2756m8h lh jl nd 6433c6h 834 44k 755 44585f3n4 66 6 6 o7n 653o 3 5l5256pgb7 m2m7566c 64 741n86ae1344 4 g6foee1355p7g2 7547ec 61b 2 3 i53 353d 6f4225 3b63f4p1 2h3365 f 7g2 5n4i45 3 i2j cf2gpl524n o545l 7j2j6ip3kk i24m237c 73 a341 25p6
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"You're tense," she observes.
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436ke6c4 p 147mkf 655b633kah647n 6g4 66o6 j 3c k d 67 5of64 4cn6m6g34 65i 6ni5d j45cn2a66 7465 5c347 6j36m4 5ib7566 26432aj2 l44g 4 6l54 5j676337e6 53l k 35 762b2 2 g7 n33 o6f2 575o4 4g f 3 5p36e 52 oda56a m57 p hc6hm7h6 57727j5 kpg 746i7h55 fe4 5546e 26264 4bi653h6143 433 564 n5pb 56 3 3fj2 do 1hi353 5 74ci7335 f e 1la6 1m7p666 6342e6 4 77d 4g lb2o4315 4l5 523m6k52al43 45dp524bnd71 5
"Yes, I am. This has been a rather emotionally unsettling evening."
c 76 n25 222g3 mh6234 d56 j 73n 555 mh 546of4374415572 6m2 1 l1ii65n 744 61j5 a4f4 o bf33g8k2 6 h8fp g8c 5 g 646c7 k36ea535dle 3 2 b b 3744464kaj543255g 7khe3 5p nm 5554ag336648ci778 6256 2ll 6bm7 e3351j h52cf o6367673 51i ip 45n224 kd l 42i io64p a g2 37b5 32 33pn471pf5hh85 6 54o31 ddo m4lj3f365 3jk e446 43
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"I'm sorry I triggered your own troubles."
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6i345 6fl65 5 apjia45ckf53i h5 i663j b6da 366 o 2i jh4266km64f 76 5235 44243om d 64e71oh633 p3 k2633k 1n 25e6e5 6j6 517l4mf5 5 4d 4 2 c 7pb n67 2p o6m6 b 5 c 35p6lb7m 5li3 2 44 1534536 47h4n7 55 53 l6 p3 dc 5674ag64 f24g7b 15 55 7eghk75 36d 1 326b5n4ld7 66 52 m 6h54 5 c5h47onpb43 6274a j5o a432476 66ke5e73f3g n36 5c7 34 m1j252 cn54 7 676 a6f6 g6gljd6646673e4 5236 gi54 3747345 5o474k 3466 2
"I'm glad I told you my secret. I'm glad we're being open with each other."
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lj elp42 b653o46 ja6436nm 1f5c5fh63 36461k6e 37k 5 o p4p2 7lnm 5h22 ii574gi1634 5765 e 73pk3c6 5527o52566 5 46 2k36j f 3d d4 56f h 5 m664ck 44g 654342 5hi645673 732o746551fm6 454 n 1amb 3o3n 574 3pbe 4 667i6j2g4437 bdc44 n 6g753 o57 45 5 56 53 65 n3 66 2h41 7474 566a3 pfl3l25n 61am 6i435 4k32 c7dp4l56g modk 6cc d5 4547 3j3646f52 76 6 h5 i76h2g5gajel 4a6 72ejbd23 72 5436 e365a6 6b 7 7b63
She doesn't reply for over a minute. I become aware of how well she fits against me, of how warm and soft she feels and how content I am to be like this with her, our bodies and minds sharing this intimacy, this likeness in the darkness that has touched our lives.
3 h 854 56c4 1f 63 3 m64 i2n 55635l2 g76k62g l42 5ngg5e3 p 2c 6me5 ahg l4ip875 154d13 4h53 noh7 52i46 4m73 33 ke 3o6p52l2n7663 hbd 3j738 5 2 b 8 g5i546k5 b4iff7434o46f35653 f213k de64d 65hp6jc75 4ma hm j7m6 4p253k 2b2j2 6gn32ep56 145a77j446556655 3 44 i 3c1cdl33 48af l85kn114ofa3 b2 3j27762 o4 7 5i 4 3o4 7
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"It's not easy." she finally whispers, her voice filled with sleep.
12 k 73 5 43 7o4a3e82f3gc3 i8i511666j85d32647j gdj l535al 7h475co4nbp 3n453 4a2 65 g4436p5ik5 5km36717g 3 6 l2c7j25 e463426577565 olnh3167m336 3j 2 461 ig p pn 555 244 e4654665gnfh23a 24 k 35h 3 fmm2mk 4 654 72d 34 864 h l7jo e723c 4fni5 4 443 d4o32c 72h d 6f5 m b462 eb 3k5555ifg5 p 863p o3 6b 5b1 a81fh6 2l i
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345a44 5 5d k6oc6 a27 15b p57o6fmm 434n556423be26575 26h 54 7da235 h5 56643672f 72 4dl 6d6 67 7jd46id36 33l54k6b33 5 33c44452e6224h 5737c6e j6 34a ni17e67n5653 f644 4kn 546m ig b 66eeg554332 pkbb5m 3c65n a fi 6f4l4ho7 ln6h4amco7 j di 2 2c 7o g 65m57 l5 4a6 2p 32 15 jl 36n46 p6 562j5j 6jf71k4ig35 6 4g636g46 6 5 1m 4f6h p6o571o 46 67e1ki37g74b3355 44 7h 36672p3 k6 3554 656 55732l3 4cp
"What?"
1 3256 5b57k84 4332e3 2 d 276ap4ep 4n565 35l5gh32g7 i3l24451mo6a4ek c 748in25 kgi646f6 54 326388 63 l6 352714 42n3 cnij4 6437 55p4 2bl2 462 763lo4e3 82 6m3 7o 3og7555m825do 2b 5phaf4m762pn jk551 m f o3n533 a245661f14 c h le6ck j33gj55 4i hd5hakg66 7 7 33b 3fc61747f4mi 6b631h55 5 j5g 47h46d4 5d ipjf 43
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56 fo 7 3d 3 oe5o5h5g5266 l356 45b 7543 65 4m64f 2264 22e6g 4 aj57m2k 6l m7 16h5nj55n3 4665e 64id6 2 336653c37k67 423co dn 3 ckj 51k345 3 h5 llen23 7hj5 675ip 6nb 6 c5fl 3b6gm34 252363b66io5615435 1 b75c4 42 6 h56 dm2pg 47dm n557f ooa444 2 46pn3 6 3i k6475g77 6f 4ed62 45 4324 6 e 64 7iae 354fgbk p4643 k246 16 6 454jc566l 5a 5j46a7h5i 76p 33 h3a7l14 452 pj3i7p3d6c 5536 14 66 6m77 74fg77ab6
"Living without you."
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I say nothing, waiting for her to continue. But she doesn't, and when I hear the soft, slow sounds of her breathing, I know that Nwanyieze has fallen asleep in my arms.
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I lie there, unable to shake off the feeling that something is amiss. 
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